Two-years-old! Life progressions

We had Ellie’s Daniel Tiger party with family, including two cousins who adore her, and it was lots of fun. Highlights were seeing her playing and loving the ball pit (balls in a child’s pool) and doing the piñata. 

Other big news is that she’s started taking up a storm! Repeats everything we say and talks and sings to herself. She even asked a question! “Why sleeping?” about why Daddy was sleeping. Stringing a couple multiple syllable words together, using words in context, unprompted. So fun and exciting! And her little voice is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. 

Enjoying Falls arrival. Trying to enjoy the outdoors as much as possible before the Oregon rainy season hits. Our Cohousing community broke ground a few weeks ago - woo hoo! And we are on a last push (marketing and offering incentives) to find more families to take a couple of our last few units. There is only one child close to Ellie’s age right now (just turned 4), but a couple other families with young kids are exploring, fingers crossed. We switched to a downstairs flat that has a little backyard. It was a little more expensive but I couldn’t imagine not having a little private yard with Ellie. There will be lots of common outdoor space, too. 

Two other recent developments: we started working out again! I gained 10 pounds in the last year or two and feel uncomfortable so glad to get back to the athletic club. Ellie is going to the childcare at the club and doesn’t bat an eye walking in. No clinginess at all. Not sure how I feel about that! But I guess it’s a good thing. I think she was really ready to explore and experience some new places and people. She hasn’t had childcare before now. 

And one of the childcare workers there said she could babysit for us on the weekend sometimes, so RC and I might actually get some alone time on a date. We need this. I feel like our closeness comes and goes and we get frustrated and reactive with each other sometimes. We need to resolve a particular communication pattern that can come up where I want his attention/focus and he feels I’m not accepting him or want him to be something he isn’t. Argh. But overall, we are having some nice family times and working well together as parents. 

Anyway, I got off on a tangent. The other thing going on is that my career counseling business is growing! My online platforms are reaching people a little more, it seems, and I’ve gotten a few recent referrals from my business networking group. Hoping this online career class platform I’m part of starts getting clients, as well. It would be fun to both run a small group and continue working individually. 

I still think of having another baby sometimes but, mostly, I’ve settled into being a one-child family. Mom to my little Ellie. :)

Long overdue update

Dropping in to say, “hi! I’m still here!” Can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve posted. Lots happening and shifting, including:

Full members of Cohousing community, now! Woo hoo! So excited and am getting to know other members better, both local members and those visiting from other locales who will be moving here. Breaking ground scheduled for end of this month, eek!

RC’s sister visited last week, the twin sister I (and Ellie) had never met. I liked her a lot and feel like we started a friendship. She talks a lot more than RC, so that’s interesting.  I got to know more details about his family and history through her, which in turn makes me feel closer to him. Ellie really liked her, too, and I’m happy to have a new Auntie in her life. Hopefully, we will keep on touch now. 

I think my next post will be all about Ellie, but here are some recent developments…She is so fun, and I see why some parents say, “my sidekick,” because it does feel like that.  She’s my buddy and with me wherever I go, except when she’s sleeping or her dad’s watching her, but most of the time.  :) She’s saying more words now! Not always predictably, but she’s saying more and more, mainly nouns/names for things. And she understands everything, and I’m so impressed with how she can follow multiple-step directions or understand future plans, etc. 

She still LOVES to read and be read to, and is super active and practicing running, walking on tiptoes, dancing, climbing up and down stairs. Can’t take our eyes off her in public places now at all.  Okay better end there, as it’s time for bed but I will try and write more soon. Here’s a recent pic of my baby:

Community Considerations

 I’m coming off yet another Zoom call where I spent tons of time listening to other people and did not feel seen for the whole last half. I dearly wished that the facilitator would have facilitated and structure things a bit more. As awkward as it can be, you have to step in and stop people from talking sometimes. People lose track of time, myself included, when they are venting or sharing things they feel strongly about. For the good of the whole group, which includes the speaker, I think you have to be a little flexible, but then move things along. Unless it’s a deep, wound type of share, which might get more leeway. 

Anyway, argh! So frustrating. I asked a couple questions at a certain point and people jumped in and started answering. I commented on one persons share, as it grew into a conversation, but never got a chance to answer. Anyway, oh well, just had to vent about that. 

The call was a social for families who are members or exploring becoming members of a cohousing community. We are exploring and taking steps to join - very exciting but also scary! The community won’t be built for another year. You have to prequalify for a loan, which we’ve done, and then come up with 20% down, which we cannot do. We are talking to folks about a payment plan and gathering resources that we can come up with. Lots of older members but now families starting to join or consider joining. Thinking of all the benefits for Ellie. 

Anyway, more later, but this is big, and I do wish the call today had been more connecting. Do any of you live in a close-knit community?

Easter Trip to Bend

Haven't posted in quite a while...we just got back from a trip to Bend and took some good pictures, so I thought now would be a good time. :) 

RC's bday was at the beginning of our trip, on the 31st. We packed and drove over that day, so it was kind of tiring. Once we got there we initially planned to go to a cool, new brewery, but it was packed and super busy, as well as being mostly outdoor, casual-type seating. Too much going on and not what we pictured! But we ended up having a nice, yummy dinner, once we found a restaurant downtown that had availability. I had a gluten-free cake made for Rich and bought and wrapped a few gifts and cards from me and Ellie. He seemed to enjoy himself, and his middle son, who he hadn't heard from in a while, called after dinner, which was nice. 

To be honest, some of the trip we had some conflict and difficult conversations. I think we needed to have them though, so the feelings weren't continuing to fester under the surface. I think everyone who gets married brings there own wounds and "stories" into their marriage. A big one of mine is that I need and appreciate certain types of communication from my partner (tuning in to me, asking questions, being excited for me when I have insights or things go well). RC is not a super talkative person. He's an introvert, and he goes inside himself often. I'm an introvert, too, but I like to check-in and have meaningful conversations with my partner regularly. He doesn't seem to need that as much. When I try and ask him to tune in more or ask me questions - show interest and support in specific ways - he feels frustrated and acts defensively, like I'm not accepting him for who he is. 

We both need to let go of some of our "stuff," I think, but we don't totally know how, yet. Through our conversations, however, we did breakthrough, feel closer, and recommit to working on our trust and remembering we love each other and want to be married for the rest of our lives. So that was good, but there were stress and some tears getting there.

On a happier note, Easter was so so fun with Ellie. We weren't sure if she would, but she quickly picked up how to hunt for the eggs we hid for her and was so excited when she found them. She carried around the soft pink bunny basket I bought her on Et$y and placed each egg inside the basket as she found it. She loved the peeps, though RC was watchful that she didn't eat too much (I tend to be a little more laissez faire about eating treats than him), and we put her yogurt disks in some eggs, too. She was too adorable trying to take a bite of the chocolate bunny ears; she clearly loves dark chocolate like her mom and dad! I also found her a wooden 3-car train pull-toy, with a mama duck, baby ducks, and little wooden eggs sitting on it. She pulled that thing all over the house for the rest of the trip. 💗

Our favorite part of the trip, though, was our visit to the High De$ert Museum. We've gone almost every time we come to Bend. To me, it's a perfect blend of outdoor and indoor, cultural information and environmental/biological science displays, interactive exhibits, and real, live creatures, from turtles and reptiles, to raptors, to otters (viewing above and below water) and a porcupine. Plus, they have a cafe with sandwiches, salads, chips, and more, for when you need to sit down and refuel. Ellie was able to walk some of the time this trip and loved exploring and seeing all the interesting habitat and animals.

Now that we're back, there are some interesting developments to take my focus, including the possibility of joining a Cohousing community here in Eugene. We explored this community back before Ellie was born but were then swept up in the tornado of new parenthood and the huge life changes inherent in becoming a family. We definitely were not in a place to move forward financially, then, either. We could still be in a better place, but...we are still exploring the opportunity because: 1. The housing market in Eugene is super tight, with an extremely low inventory; 2. We both love the idea of living in Cohousing, in which you have your own private unit but share a common house (like a community center), garden, some land/resources, and eat regular meals together; 3. Especially as introverts, having a structured, intergenerational community is wonderful, as it can be hard for us to put ourselves out there and build a larger community on our own; and 4. We are bursting at the seams in our current two-bedroom townhouse, and I would like to move somewhere where we can buy and settle in long-term. I love the idea of raising Ellie with a loving extended family, too! We will see what happens.

Lastly, we are finally scheduled to receive our vaccinations! Yay! The rest of my immediate family has already managed to get them, so we are the last in our pod. It will be great to be done with them and feel a little more comfort in getting together with everyone. Hope you are all hanging in there with the Covid scene and are already, or soon will be, vaccinated. Our parenting group is finally meeting up in person, again, at a local playground at the end of this month, so the timing there is great, as well!

A conundrum to be solved

This is a post to help me process my thoughts and feeling around making choices about our leftover embryos...So, as I think I’ve shared, we already donated several embryos to a local infertile couple, and she is now pregnant with boy! Exciting! We don’t feel comfortable donating any more. 

And. We still have several remaining, two of them very high quality. Though we’ve had several helpful sessions with a therapist, I still feel attachment. I want to have closure and move on in the next three months so have come up with a couple of options on which to percolate. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on these or any other options you can see. 

Option 1: Do one more natural cycle with the two highest quality embryos. No medications other than the trigger shot. Considerably less chance of success than a fully medicated transfer, but still a decent chance. This has a 4K price tag. Do we want another baby? Not necessarily, but I’m sure we would come around to being excited and happy. I would love for Ellie to have a sibling. My worry is taking away from my focus on her. She’s my baby, and I love her beyond comprehension. I don’t want to disrupt our special bond. We also would like to travel, and I’m thinking that would be a lot easier with just the three of us. When I think of trying and potentially being pregnant again, I do feel excited, though! And I’m pretty darn old. 

Option 2: Pick up the remaining embryos and, in a conscious, sacred, and prayerful way, do a home procedure to absorb them inside me. This might sound strange, but it feels more loving and like we’re honoring them than just letting the clinic destroy them. We both feel very sad contemplating this, but it would provide loving closure. 

I would appreciate any feedback or clarifying questions you might have. Will Ellie resent us for not having a sibling, when we had the ability to give her that? If we let go of the embryos, will we have regrets later? Who knew that this technology that helped us have our beloved daughter would also create such a profoundly complex and emotion-laden conundrum. 

15-Months-Old

Christmas was nice, overall. We spent Christmas Eve at my Dad and his fiancee's house, and Christmas at my sister's, as expected. Ellie is the only little kid in the family, but my littlest niece gets pretty excited, too (she's six). Ellie was an active participant this year, walking around, sort of opening presents, and exploring, not a bump on a log, sitting in her car seat. She sure keeps us on our toes now! 

We did stockings at our own house, which is a nice tradition to keep with going forward. Favorite gifts included a Bouncy Bee and a Little People Farm from family friends and Mommy and Daddy's gift of a Fisher Price Noah's Arc (I had one I loved to play with as a child, so this is nostalgic :). Bipa (my Dad) got her/us a Bob stroller; yaaaayyy!! In Oregon's wet weather, those big wheels really come in handy.

Ellie turned 15 months on January 10th! She is so much fun. She now practices walking a lot and can walk backwards, spin in circles, and crawl up and down our stairs (with mom or dad right behind her at this point!). She still loves books and “reads” them on her own, flipping through all the pages. She brings us books to read sometimes now and we read to her at least two or three times a day, including her special bedtime books. 

I recently bought her a few new books, including Llama Llama, Red Pajama. So cute! She makes sad, sympathetic sounds when little Llama is missing his Mama. She even cried once or twice when Llama was calling loudly for his Mama, so RC and I had to make our voices less dramatic and more calm at that part. Thinking that might be related to some developmental step around empathy or relating to book characters more or something?

We took her to her 15-month doctor's appointment last Monday, and the nurse gave her four shots. Boo. She cried, of course, but recovered well. She's around the 80th percentile in head circumference and weight and in the 50th percentile in height. I think she is a strong little girl, and that affects weight, but, also, we are still breastfeeding. 

Crazy to be breastfeeding at this point - and I would never have predicted it - but it's true. I have read that it's recommended women stop breastfeeding by 16 months because babies (I guess they are "tabies" at this point. lol) get more attached to it at that point. Do you all have any thoughts or advice? I admit I still mostly enjoy it, and it can be a nice bonding time together - not to mention an easy and efficient way to comfort her when there is an immediate need. 

On a different, bigger picture, note...crazy events going down at the Capital last week. RC and I have been glued to CNN off and on over the last nine days, and the time is slowly ticking down to the inauguration next Wednesday. From a psychological perspective, I'm fascinated by the back stories, and the sociopolitical dynamics that led up the this scary and terrible event. But on an emotional, human level, I'm horrified this happened and grateful that it wasn't worse. Several people lost their lives, though, and it seems so sad and pointless. I do hope that the silver lining is Trump will be out of the Republican Party and out of politics for good. Stay safe everyone, sending love and good wishes!

p.s. I'm about to enter the world of toddler sensory bins. We don't have a Flisat or sensory table, but, as of today, I have purchased a couple of bins, rainbow rice, corn starch, beans, and various tools for manipulating the materials and for hiding. I'll let you know how it goes soon.

p.p.s. I missed delurking week, but I would love to hear from anyone who is reading. It is encouraging to me. Thank you!