HPT/Relationship Results

I took my first HPT today.  B - F - N

I didn't really expect much more for 9 days post-ovulation (dpo) and not experiencing any blatant signs, as of yet.  In previous cycles, if I took an HPT at all, it was later in the cycle, when it was more likely to be accurate.

But this time, I decided that I would take a completely different approach and test every day, starting at 9 dpo.  My thinking is that I will not be as disappointed with early negatives.  Also, it gives me something active and real on which to focus, when I can so easily slip into overanalyzing every little non-symptom.

Speaking of which, what I've felt so far, pregnancy related or not:  sharp twinge-like cramps on the right lower side of uterus at 4 dpo; breast soreness, especially the last few days; lighter twinges on right lower side of uterus, as well as slightly higher on left side, yesterday; a low-grade but persistent headache on 3 and especially 6 dpo.

So, nothing too out of this world definitive and exciting.  I will report on whether anything changes and on the daily test results.  My cycle usually ends on day 28, but this cycle had a short pre-ovulation phase  so I'm guessing it will end at 26 days, though still 13/14 dpo.

Another topic on my mind, stemming from my relationship with sh/cm, regards the 80/20 rule.  Have you heard of this?  Apparently, in most working relationships, about 80% is good and about 20% is not so good.  

I'm curious, first about whether this is true for all my friends/acquaintances (both online and off) who are in working relationships (have been together more than a few months and would say they are in a "long-term" relationship).  If not, what IS the percentage ratio?

And second, what is the approximately 80% and 20% each comprised of?  For instance, do most people seem to more highly value the sexual side of the relationship or the friendship side?  This could be further divided into the four quadrants: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  Where do each of these four quadrants tend to fall in that 80/20 split?  

And then I can analyze what, if any, patterns emerge. . .

Or perhaps every partnership is unique and the results will fall all over the map?

If those of you who are in long-term relationships would be willing to share your thoughts on these questions, I would appreciate it.  Then, I can add mine, compile, and summarize the results back through this blog.  I plan to keep asking people until I collect answers from approximately 20-30 people.

I don't want to share too much yet about my own answers, except to say that my relationship with sh/cm is not perfect.  I know that no relationship is perfect, and I'm reflecting on whether I believe ours is perfect enough.  It's the best relationship I have had, and definitely the most intimate in all quadrants.  We continue to grow, both in the relationship and individually.

But, ironically, my relationship with the old flame was stronger in the one area that is challenging in some ways for me with sh/cm.  So I have this recent situation that was so much worse in almost all areas,  yet mocks me with it's perfection in this one area.  :-/

Any feedback or thoughts welcome!


  1. I hope the one of the next few mornings bring you a BFN! Regarding relationships, I've never had a long term relationship. My relationships ended when I realized how incompatible we were. It's easy enough to sustain a relationship in the beginning because the newness and chemistry is paramount. But, over the course of time and trials, without similar values or similar weight given to each of the 4 quadrants you mentioned, the relationship will encounter serious road blocks. People in relationships can grow together or on parallel paths when they have the same value system. However, when they don't, they inevitably grow apart. I have seen many long term relationships which are sustained only by a shared history and/or children or a fear of being alone but in which neither party is truly happy.

  2. I think it is hard to use anyone's answer in your analyst. Due to every relationship are so different. Also every person is so different. I met women who I felt had a great guy and they treated them like dirt. I was not in there relationship either so who knows there reasonsing. Or they could have just been a bitch. I learned now in this present relationship, I am not sweating the small stuff. When we dated before I would be all over him for every little thing. I have changed because ten years has past since our first relationship. He even noticed I have changed which I felt was funny. I thought to myself damn was I that bad. The people to ask this question are people you witness in successfull relationships. That is who I want advice from. Just my opinion!! I hope you are pregnant. Much BABY DUST!!!

  3. Well I am currently not in a long term relationship but my mother has told me about the 80/20 rule. What she said is that you'll never find a man who is a 100% it's impossible b/c no one is perfect. It will be 80/20 but the key is finding someone whose 20% you can live with. If the 20% is something you can't live with you have to move on.

  4. I haven't heard about the 80/20 rule. But based on my experience, I'd say that is true. With Tavo, I was able to live with the 20; I think the same is true for him as well. But I had another very LTR that was 20/80 - and 80 is just too much when it comes to compromising. No one should have to compromise that much - or be unhappy that much. (If I get a chance today, I'll link to your post from my blog and see if that gives you any additional answers.)

  5. Jendo - How long do you define "long-term"? I haven't had many over a few months, maybe 3 or so, and those were only about a year. I know some people who have had several relationships of several years. I can't imagine it (breaking up after that long)! Maybe because I've never done it. lol I like what you said about values, I think that's so true. Sobering about the many relationships where people aren't happy. :(

    Honesty - I think the key to 80/20 is that it's self-defined. so those girls who treated their guys like dirt. Maybe they thought the guy was 80 percent bad even if from the outside everyone else thought he was great? Interesting what you say about "successful relationship" versus "working relationship" - that has made me think. I guess I'm still wanting to know, even if people aren't that satisfied, how they would respond to the 80/20 questions, assuming they are in a long-term relationship (for them it might come out 70/30 or something!). It's true, like Jendo said, they may be in it for some external reason. . .

    Michaela - Your comment about it being "something you can live with" made me think. In a way, I prefer it to be statistical because what you can live with seems unstable and so subjective in any period of time. But it's probably good to ask that question when you are stuck or questioning things - "Can I live with this?"

    Thanks, Sarah! It would be great to get any additional responses. I agree that no one should have to compromise that much. Curious how the quadrants fell out into the 80/20 with Tavo as far as mental/emotional/physical/spiritual? (you can email me if you want. or no worries if you'd rather not share more)

  6. Honesty - I meant "30/70" in the comment above versus 70/30. . .