Romance and Travel

I am no poet, in any sense of the word, but I wanted to share with you some poetry-like writing I did today while thinking about sh/cm.

With you, it’s in the words and the touch

It’s the long conversations, virtual and personal

About life, love, whether humanity (and we) have a future

And how it feels to hold your hand day after day,

To kiss each other like we mean it

We keep showing up, 

Somehow breaking through the icy fear 

That held us back before

Into something bigger, something that holds it all and says, 

“We’re good, baby.  We can do this.  We’re different.”  

Miraculous, really, that place.  

I think I’ll curl up there now 

And dream of love.

I guess I'm feeling romantic.  My thoughts are focused on our upcoming trip to Oregon and spending some time together with my family.  We will drive up Friday morning, a week from tomorrow, and return by Monday night.  

My brother kindly invited us to stay at his place, but sh/cm said he'd like to get a hotel room, and this girl who loves hotels will not be arguing the point!  It will be nice to have a home base to have some alone time in-between family gatherings.  

What I'm most looking forward to:

• Going on a hike with my brother and his new wife.  I'm excited for sh/cm to get to know my brother, who is the person I'm closest to in my immediate family.
• Working out at the athletic club in Eugene, which our family business developed and runs.  My sister and brother both work there - my sister with my Dad in the main office, and my brother in the club itself - so when we go there, we will likely have lunch and hang out.  And I'll get to see my niece and nephew in the on-site childcare - bonus!  
• Dinner and drinks with family.  I imagine we'll go out to a nice dinner and hopefully everyone will relax and get to know each other better over some good food and wine.
• Spending playtime with my niece and nephew! (at their house)  My nephew just turned two and will be super fun and probably all about the physical play.  My niece is four now and into imaginary play and reading (unless that's changed).  I can't wait!  It will be fun to see sh/cm around the kids, and he also may spend some of this time on this own, taking a break.

I'm going to have a phone conversation with my Dad sometime this week and say something about my hopes that he will make an effort to get to know sh/cm.  My Dad can be somewhat quiet and, let's just say, anti-social introverted.

Cycle-wise, I'm on Day 9 of a Femara cycle.  I have felt more tired than usual, and I'm not sure if that's related.  No signs of ovulation yet, which is awesome after ovulating on Day 10 last month.  Hoping I make it at least to Day 12. . .

Almost. . .

I wish I had better news to report.  I started cramping a bit more yesterday, in a different place - more in front middle abdomen, just above my pubic bone.  Which is strange because I don't usually notice cramping in that area before my period.

Anyway, this "special" cramping seemed to lead into some very light brown/pink spotting, which still left room for hope. . . but by this morning, my temperature had dropped a couple of degrees and the cramping became more intense.  It was all over by this afternoon.

All things considered, I do believe something started to happen this month.  I guess it just wasn't meant to be.  There were two "firsts":  an implantation dip and one extra day added to my luteal phase.  This morning, Fertility Friend actually said something like, "You may be pregnant, you should take a test."  I never actually did test this cycle, and I'm kind of glad I didn't.

I feel sad and disappointed, of course.  But I guess I also feel like things clearly seem to be improving overall as far as higher post-ovulation temperatures, and then the "almost" that was this cycle.  So I'm hopeful as we jump right back into trying again.  I'm trying to get some Femara to add to the agenda for this time around. . .

Inventory of Signs

My temperature is still up today at 98.2.  Yikes!  Could this be something real?  Putting the signs together so far:

Sore boobs pretty much the whole time since ovulation.
9 dpo - Some pulling feelings on right side of lower abdomen.
10 dpo - Temperature dip.  Some lighter AF-type cramping.  Small red spot of blood on TP in the evening.  Trouble sleeping, kept waking up.
11 dpo - Temperature back up.  Trouble sleeping, woke up several times. Strange dreams.
12 dpo - Temperature still up!  Some pressure feeling in lower abdomen.  Light backache, similar to period but lighter.

I don't want to get my hopes up too far.  I know that tomorrow my temperature could plummet, and it could all be over.  And even if I am pregnant, there are so many things that could go awry.

But I had my first little "OMG, I could really be pregnant!" freak-out feeling this morning when I saw my temperature was still up.  It was the first time I've ever felt that feeling!  I told sh/cm, and he was like, "I know!"

Dip, Baby, Dip

Guess what jumped up this morning!  I included the chart again, but without the coverline so that you can see the actual temperatures.  The one caveat is that I woke up several times last night, so that may have affected it.  But I've never had a dip like this so early in the cycle, and I'm cautiously excited!

Implantation Dip?

I hope this chart comes through.  These represent the last two months of my cycle, plus the incomplete current month, as the legend indicates.  The ice blue line is my current chart: do you notice anything different?  My temperature dropped off precipitously this morning a couple of days earlier and a couple of tenths lower than it has in previous charts, which has me thinking "implantation dip."  


I'm trying not to get too excited though, since last night was a weird night.  My bedtime was a couple hours later, after returning from dinner and a play in the city with sh/cm and friends - I love the way that sounds!  I clearly don't do it that often. lol  


Anyway,  the play - which was a feminist interpretation of the Ramayana, a sacred Hindu text, and cast my Non-Violent Communication friend K in the lead - and after-play discussion went longer than expected, and then sh/cm and I got into a long talk about recent communication with his daughter (who had been painfully estranged from him) and our individual and collective goals.  I didn't get to bed until after 1:30.  I took my temperature at around 6:50 am - which is when I normally take it, but after only about five hours of sleep - and it read 97.7.


When I took it again a little after 9 am, it read about 98.  Would you count the first one if you were me?


If I count the first one, it really seems to be an implantation dip. Time will tell.  If my temperature shoots back up tomorrow, then that would say a lot.


My only other sign so far has been sore breasts. Really sore. Unusually and surprisingly sore.  


So, I am holding hope, but trying to hold it lightly. . .

Second Day Down

Another school day down.  Only one truly torturous period - 6TH (BOO, HISS).  Several little trouble makers whose sole purpose is to make my life difficult!

I'm somewhat powerless in that the teacher in this class has indicated she wants to deal with any bad behavior, due to the fact that we are not certified teachers.  Her "dealing with it" has looked like talking with them and the behavior starting back up again within a few minutes.

The other teacher we are working with is quite the opposite and is supporting and tag teaming us very successfully to manage her classes.

I've communicated with my supervisor about the situation in Period 6, which yesterday included talking and disruption the entire period, including inappropriate sexual innuendo remarks.  I'm hoping she will have some solution but if not, I've committed to soldiering through.

The classes are such a lesson in contrast!  Period 4 are complete and total angels, and I sail through that class on a cloud.  The others are on a range in-between, but most are productive and fairly well engaged overall.  Some of the students truly are incredibly endearing and sweet.  When things get tough, I continue to repeat the mantra of my hourly wage. lol

To give you a sense of how drained I feel when I get done with the day: yesterday I bought a diet coke and chocolate hostess donettes to soothe myself immediately after, then proceeded to come home and lie on the couch the rest of the late afternoon/evening, except for taking a neighborhood walk.  Fell asleep for over an hour during that time, as well.

Again, kudos to the teachers out there.  I know now that you have to be very special and strong to be a teacher.  I literally would not have it in me to teach full-time.  You deserve much more money and many more accolades!!!

p.s. I will post separately on my current two-week wait in the next day or two.  Right now, off to acupuncture. . .

A Very Busy Week (And a Follicular Phase Question)

Stopping by for a belated update before I head out to run some errands.

On the ttc front, wondering if any of you have had the experience of your follicular phase shortening after going on any of the supplements I talked about in this post?  I have consistently had a 27-day cycle, with a 13-day follicular phase followed by a 14-day luteal phase.

Until last month.

Last month, my follicular phase shortened to 11 days, and this month it was around 10!  At least according to my basal body temperature charting, which showed a significant, post-ovulation rise yesterday on day 11.  And I tested positive on an OPK the evening of day 10 (negative that morning).

I'm worried that this may be a "bad thing" and would love any feedback you may have to give.

In other news, sh/cm and I visited his brother and family in San Diego last weekend and he was surprised that we all got along so well right from the beginning.  Not to inflate myself, but apparently the relationship between his family and his two exes was less than warm and close.  So, of course, I feel great about that.

And best of all, it was a fun and generally relaxed time.  Walks on the beach, a tall ship festival, two lovely home-cooked dinners with friends, hot tubbing. . . and sh/cm and I had some great deeper talks on the long car ride back (I slept a lot on the ride there because we left at 8 p.m., but that's another story!).

Finally, I started the new job. . . and survived the first day!

The kids were generally engaged and fairly well-behaved - except for a couple students in one of the classes but it wasn't too horrible.  It definitely took stamina to get through so many class periods, but I kept reminding myself of the high hourly pay rate to keep me going!

If I can just get through this one day a week, I think I'll develop a lot professionally.  And I can have a stiff drink at the end of the day!  lol