11/24/2019
Sad
I guess since my blog is about being real and living an authentic life, I’ll share that I feel really sad that no one commented on Ellie’s birth story post. It’s weird, I almost feel like it’s a rejection or lack of caring about her, which intellectually I know is not true, but it’s interesting watching the feelings that come up. I’m not sure what else to say on this right now but will continue to reflect. Needless to say, if you feel moved to make any comment on her birth story, I would feel happy and grateful.
11/16/2019
Birth Story
I totally understand now why other bloggers have gone for months before they post their birth stories. Our reality is so different now, and my time and energy is much more limited. I’d like to save the memory and story on my blog, though, so here is a rough version anyway…
Our birth date was planned because of me being higher risk due to my age but also the polyhydramnios that happened in the third trimester. So, my doctors scheduled me for a C-section at 39 weeks.
We went into the hospital at 5 AM on October 10, as instructed, and I was registered and checked in in one of the hospital rooms. I guess this isn’t normally done in those rooms, but the smaller check in rooms were unavailable or something. The nurse checking me in then attempted to place an IV, but it was a total fail. She tried twice, but it wouldn’t flow, and it hurt so bad I almost screamed. I then said I was not going to go through a third try with her, and they called the IV therapy nurse who was much more skilled. She had no problem placing it on the first try.
Then, I was visited by doctors, first the anesthesiologist who I initially thought was a little quirky and could’ve had more warmth or compassion, but he turned out to be pretty awesome, which I’ll share later. Then I was visited by my primary maternal fetal medicine doctor, and she was her normal upbeat, kind and jovial self. She always manages to instill confidence and normalize what you’re going through, which was great at that time.
We found out that the cesarean would be done by both her and the head of the maternal fetal medicine department, who we had met with before and had basically trained and mentored her. He was on call that shift, and she came in special, so they teamed up, which made us feel very secure and well cared for.
Prior to her visit, though, the nurses hooked me up for a final stress test. Stress tests were definitely not my favorite test in the third trimester. They are so uncomfortable and it seems like my girl would always be moving around a lot and they would lose her heartbeat and have toStart over or go longer and I just felt she was pushed around inside me in the process, which I hated. Anyway, this time the machine stopped recording for some unknown reason so they had to go longer but finally got what the doctor needed.
Once all that was done with, I would say the rest of the procedure flowed smoothly and really was a positive, powerful experience for us overall. They wheeled me back to the OR, and RC had to wait in the hallway while they prepped me. He said it seemed like forever that he was waiting. From my perspective, the doctors and staff in the OR worked like a large, well oiled machine, with multiple smaller groups in different parts of the room.
The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal, and that was a little uncomfortable because I had to hunch over like a turtle for a bit of time while he injected it in the specific place it needed to go between the vertebrae. Both he and my doctor were coaching me, however, so I felt supported and it didn’t hurt badly. When the spinal anesthesia kicked in, it was the craziest feeling. The lower half of my body was total deadweight, and I couldn’t have moved if my life depended on it. I just felt like my legs were hanging there kind of splayed so that was weird, but I trusted the doctors and basically surrendered to the procedure at that point.
Around that time, RC was let in the room, and I was very glad to see him. They put up the curtain in front of me. I remember having some anxiety, and the anesthesiologist suddenly became my best friend. He was super calm and reassuring and best of all kept me informed of everything that was happening as it happened. I truly felt like he was coaching me through the process.
Next comes the best part… I knew the doctors were about to cut into me, so I was very tuned in to feeling any sensation whatsoever, but I never did. She tested first before pinching or poking me or something, and I didn’t react at all. Anyway, I knew they had begun, but I didn’t know exactly where they were in the timeline, until I heard the head doctor guy, who is a really big, bald former basketball player, by the way, so you have an image, say, “Hi there, Cutie!” Oh my heart. I knew at that point that they had cut into the uterus and could actually see her. Sorry if that grosses anyone out, but to me it was so beautiful.
Next thing we knew they were taking her out and my doctor held her up and said, “Hi, Mama!” I immediately started sobbing. It was overwhelming and so incredibly beautiful. I definitely loved her immeasurably right away. RC and I were both overcome with joy and love, and I babbled, “I love her so much! She’s so beautiful! etc.”
Because of the polyhydramnios, a representative from the NICU had to take her briefly over to make sure her airway was clear, which it was. RC went over with him and cut the cord. They lifted part of the curtain for me so I could see that happening, which I felt grateful about. Then they brought her over to me and put her on my chest. Queue more overwhelmed weeping of awe and love.
Of course, we saw when my doctor lifted her out that she had a head full of dark hair. I thought all along that I wanted a more bald baby but when I saw her, I could not have imagined anything different. She was perfect. And I love her hair so much, we both do. We play with it all the time, and it’s so soft.
After I held her for a while, and the doctors were stitching me up, we all moved back into the recovery room. I’m trying, but I can’t remember a lot about that time period. Probably, in large part, because I was on pain meds at that point and dozing off and on a little, totally blissed out with her on my chest. know I held her for a lot of it, but they also cleaned her off and weighed and measured her, which RC accompanied her for. After her measuring on the big side in our ultrasounds and the doctor predicting her weight at around 9 pounds, we were surprised when she came out at 7 lbs. 15 oz.
I will write more about our hospital stay later but will post this much now..,
Our birth date was planned because of me being higher risk due to my age but also the polyhydramnios that happened in the third trimester. So, my doctors scheduled me for a C-section at 39 weeks.
We went into the hospital at 5 AM on October 10, as instructed, and I was registered and checked in in one of the hospital rooms. I guess this isn’t normally done in those rooms, but the smaller check in rooms were unavailable or something. The nurse checking me in then attempted to place an IV, but it was a total fail. She tried twice, but it wouldn’t flow, and it hurt so bad I almost screamed. I then said I was not going to go through a third try with her, and they called the IV therapy nurse who was much more skilled. She had no problem placing it on the first try.
Then, I was visited by doctors, first the anesthesiologist who I initially thought was a little quirky and could’ve had more warmth or compassion, but he turned out to be pretty awesome, which I’ll share later. Then I was visited by my primary maternal fetal medicine doctor, and she was her normal upbeat, kind and jovial self. She always manages to instill confidence and normalize what you’re going through, which was great at that time.
We found out that the cesarean would be done by both her and the head of the maternal fetal medicine department, who we had met with before and had basically trained and mentored her. He was on call that shift, and she came in special, so they teamed up, which made us feel very secure and well cared for.
Prior to her visit, though, the nurses hooked me up for a final stress test. Stress tests were definitely not my favorite test in the third trimester. They are so uncomfortable and it seems like my girl would always be moving around a lot and they would lose her heartbeat and have toStart over or go longer and I just felt she was pushed around inside me in the process, which I hated. Anyway, this time the machine stopped recording for some unknown reason so they had to go longer but finally got what the doctor needed.
Once all that was done with, I would say the rest of the procedure flowed smoothly and really was a positive, powerful experience for us overall. They wheeled me back to the OR, and RC had to wait in the hallway while they prepped me. He said it seemed like forever that he was waiting. From my perspective, the doctors and staff in the OR worked like a large, well oiled machine, with multiple smaller groups in different parts of the room.
The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal, and that was a little uncomfortable because I had to hunch over like a turtle for a bit of time while he injected it in the specific place it needed to go between the vertebrae. Both he and my doctor were coaching me, however, so I felt supported and it didn’t hurt badly. When the spinal anesthesia kicked in, it was the craziest feeling. The lower half of my body was total deadweight, and I couldn’t have moved if my life depended on it. I just felt like my legs were hanging there kind of splayed so that was weird, but I trusted the doctors and basically surrendered to the procedure at that point.
Around that time, RC was let in the room, and I was very glad to see him. They put up the curtain in front of me. I remember having some anxiety, and the anesthesiologist suddenly became my best friend. He was super calm and reassuring and best of all kept me informed of everything that was happening as it happened. I truly felt like he was coaching me through the process.
Next comes the best part… I knew the doctors were about to cut into me, so I was very tuned in to feeling any sensation whatsoever, but I never did. She tested first before pinching or poking me or something, and I didn’t react at all. Anyway, I knew they had begun, but I didn’t know exactly where they were in the timeline, until I heard the head doctor guy, who is a really big, bald former basketball player, by the way, so you have an image, say, “Hi there, Cutie!” Oh my heart. I knew at that point that they had cut into the uterus and could actually see her. Sorry if that grosses anyone out, but to me it was so beautiful.
Next thing we knew they were taking her out and my doctor held her up and said, “Hi, Mama!” I immediately started sobbing. It was overwhelming and so incredibly beautiful. I definitely loved her immeasurably right away. RC and I were both overcome with joy and love, and I babbled, “I love her so much! She’s so beautiful! etc.”
Because of the polyhydramnios, a representative from the NICU had to take her briefly over to make sure her airway was clear, which it was. RC went over with him and cut the cord. They lifted part of the curtain for me so I could see that happening, which I felt grateful about. Then they brought her over to me and put her on my chest. Queue more overwhelmed weeping of awe and love.
Of course, we saw when my doctor lifted her out that she had a head full of dark hair. I thought all along that I wanted a more bald baby but when I saw her, I could not have imagined anything different. She was perfect. And I love her hair so much, we both do. We play with it all the time, and it’s so soft.
After I held her for a while, and the doctors were stitching me up, we all moved back into the recovery room. I’m trying, but I can’t remember a lot about that time period. Probably, in large part, because I was on pain meds at that point and dozing off and on a little, totally blissed out with her on my chest. know I held her for a lot of it, but they also cleaned her off and weighed and measured her, which RC accompanied her for. After her measuring on the big side in our ultrasounds and the doctor predicting her weight at around 9 pounds, we were surprised when she came out at 7 lbs. 15 oz.
I will write more about our hospital stay later but will post this much now..,
10/18/2019
She’s Here!
She’s here! 🎉😍👶
"Ellie"
Arrived Thursday, October 10th, 8:04am by cesarean section
7lbs 14oz (NOT Nine or 10 pounds as predicted by the ultrasound/doctors 🙄), 19 inches long, lots of hair! ❤️❤️❤️
Mommy, Daddy, and Ellie were in the hospital until Monday, October 14th.
Now working on breast-feeding and helping Ellie gain weight; not so easy to say the least.
Birth story to follow later…
"Ellie"
Arrived Thursday, October 10th, 8:04am by cesarean section
7lbs 14oz (NOT Nine or 10 pounds as predicted by the ultrasound/doctors 🙄), 19 inches long, lots of hair! ❤️❤️❤️
Mommy, Daddy, and Ellie were in the hospital until Monday, October 14th.
Now working on breast-feeding and helping Ellie gain weight; not so easy to say the least.
Birth story to follow later…
9/07/2019
Pregnancy Update #13 - Ultrasound: big baby! extra fluid...
I haven't been posting regularly. I think, in part, because my energy is going towards dealing with these intense 3rd trimester symptoms. It really is like night and day. Up until 30-32 weeks, I had a relatively easy, smooth time of things, then, WHAM, 3rd trimester swoops in and transforms the experience.
Insomnia got real, and I would find myself awake at 2 even 3am in the morning, then if I did sleep, it would be in short, frustrating intervals. Every time I'd try to lay down, I'd feel hot and itchy and restless, both in my body and mind. I know better than to lie there trying to force it, so up I'd get. RC is working swing shift right now and starts at 4am, so he got a surprise morning greeting a couple of times when he came downstairs. After trying Benadryl to no great effect, the doctor finally prescribed Ambien, which at least allows me to sleep more soundly, though I still don't drop off until 1 or 2am.
The worst new symptom, though, is carpal tunnel. I won't even be able to make this post as long as I'd like because my hands are already getting tingly and painful. Anyone who has had serious carpal tunnel knows what I'm talking about. It's relentless. At the very least, I have tingling and numbness all. the. time. Then it regularly moves into aching and pain. Nothing completely relieves it. Icing, tylenol, and a couple of specific stretches can take the edge off a little but not for long. I'm wearing braces at night but am not sure how much they're helping. My doctor referred me for a cortizone shot, but the hand specialists who do these can't see me until the 20th. Argh.
I've also gained more weight and in addition to feeling overextended with a watermelon-sized belly, I get tired and winded fairly quickly and have to make use of chairs and benches that were mainly installed for the elderly. RC has been kind and patient overall and has helped me navigate these challenges. After I broke two glass carafes for our french press within a few days - thank you carpal tunnel and lack of feeling in my fingers - he took over the coffee making duties for both of us. lol
The news is not all bad, however. Our little Ellie is active and growing, and we are experiencing the thrill of big movement and little feet pushing against the top of my belly, so that I can touch them and give a little push back. So cute! I love it so much. :) She's so long, and, now that she's head down, I can feel kicks at the top and simultaneous churny, tickly feelings at the bottom. I'm definitely blessed with the gift of kicks and pressure on my bladder at this point, which really feels strange. I'm not losing bladder control, though, for which I'm grateful.
Which leads me to the best part of my post, our ultrasound yesterday. You'll never guess how much little girl weighs now...6lbs 4oz!!! That's birth weight, my friends, OMG! The doctor anticipates her growing to near 9lbs by 39 weeks, and says she is leaning towards a c-section, that being the case. She has told us that with her own pregnancy, she had decided that if her son were over 8lbs, she would choose c-section (she was on the older side, too, around 40). If I were lower risk, I don't think this would be the natural course, but all things considered...including that we discovered I have polyhydramnios or high amniotic fluid, which adds some risk, as well. My level is mild to moderate, and she said they will just keep an eye on it. It makes me nervous, though. Has anyone else had this diagnosis? There doesn't seem to be any particular actions I can take to address it, so I have just recommitted to getting some exercise every day and trying to keep up a healthy diet. I admit to eating chips regularly, but the doctor said it has nothing to do with salt intake. It's probably partly why my stomach feels so huge and distended...
Anyway, all the other news was good. She's still measuring big in the 70-90th percentile on individual measurements and over two weeks ahead developmentally. Her heart and organs look great, and we captured some amazing pictures. I will share a couple of my favorites below. That's all for now. We are going on our babymoon to Bend tomorrow through Wednesday, and I hope to enjoy it and spend some time outside. Baby shower (scheduled on the 28th) is coming along, and my sister generously offered to have it at her house - a great location - so that's exciting. It feels like we have turned the corner and are on the final stretch.😅
Insomnia got real, and I would find myself awake at 2 even 3am in the morning, then if I did sleep, it would be in short, frustrating intervals. Every time I'd try to lay down, I'd feel hot and itchy and restless, both in my body and mind. I know better than to lie there trying to force it, so up I'd get. RC is working swing shift right now and starts at 4am, so he got a surprise morning greeting a couple of times when he came downstairs. After trying Benadryl to no great effect, the doctor finally prescribed Ambien, which at least allows me to sleep more soundly, though I still don't drop off until 1 or 2am.
The worst new symptom, though, is carpal tunnel. I won't even be able to make this post as long as I'd like because my hands are already getting tingly and painful. Anyone who has had serious carpal tunnel knows what I'm talking about. It's relentless. At the very least, I have tingling and numbness all. the. time. Then it regularly moves into aching and pain. Nothing completely relieves it. Icing, tylenol, and a couple of specific stretches can take the edge off a little but not for long. I'm wearing braces at night but am not sure how much they're helping. My doctor referred me for a cortizone shot, but the hand specialists who do these can't see me until the 20th. Argh.
I've also gained more weight and in addition to feeling overextended with a watermelon-sized belly, I get tired and winded fairly quickly and have to make use of chairs and benches that were mainly installed for the elderly. RC has been kind and patient overall and has helped me navigate these challenges. After I broke two glass carafes for our french press within a few days - thank you carpal tunnel and lack of feeling in my fingers - he took over the coffee making duties for both of us. lol
The news is not all bad, however. Our little Ellie is active and growing, and we are experiencing the thrill of big movement and little feet pushing against the top of my belly, so that I can touch them and give a little push back. So cute! I love it so much. :) She's so long, and, now that she's head down, I can feel kicks at the top and simultaneous churny, tickly feelings at the bottom. I'm definitely blessed with the gift of kicks and pressure on my bladder at this point, which really feels strange. I'm not losing bladder control, though, for which I'm grateful.
Which leads me to the best part of my post, our ultrasound yesterday. You'll never guess how much little girl weighs now...6lbs 4oz!!! That's birth weight, my friends, OMG! The doctor anticipates her growing to near 9lbs by 39 weeks, and says she is leaning towards a c-section, that being the case. She has told us that with her own pregnancy, she had decided that if her son were over 8lbs, she would choose c-section (she was on the older side, too, around 40). If I were lower risk, I don't think this would be the natural course, but all things considered...including that we discovered I have polyhydramnios or high amniotic fluid, which adds some risk, as well. My level is mild to moderate, and she said they will just keep an eye on it. It makes me nervous, though. Has anyone else had this diagnosis? There doesn't seem to be any particular actions I can take to address it, so I have just recommitted to getting some exercise every day and trying to keep up a healthy diet. I admit to eating chips regularly, but the doctor said it has nothing to do with salt intake. It's probably partly why my stomach feels so huge and distended...
Anyway, all the other news was good. She's still measuring big in the 70-90th percentile on individual measurements and over two weeks ahead developmentally. Her heart and organs look great, and we captured some amazing pictures. I will share a couple of my favorites below. That's all for now. We are going on our babymoon to Bend tomorrow through Wednesday, and I hope to enjoy it and spend some time outside. Baby shower (scheduled on the 28th) is coming along, and my sister generously offered to have it at her house - a great location - so that's exciting. It feels like we have turned the corner and are on the final stretch.😅
8/03/2019
Pregnancy Update #12 - Early Third Trimester Ultrasound
We had another ultrasound last Tuesday! Some highlights:
With regards to my own symptoms and how the pregnancy is progressing, I will say there has definitely been a shift towards greater discomfort. Here are some examples:
I have more life stuff to share, but I'll save that for another post. Suffice to say, I'm so grateful and full of gratitude and joy for my little girl and getting to feel - and share with RC - all her activity. AND I'm feeling kind of generally anxious and overwhelmed and would love to just hibernate and not deal with the world for a while. More soon... hope you're having a lovely, fun-filled summer so far.
- Saw little Ellie kicking her feet like she was tap dancing. So cute! I feel this sensation sometimes, so it's fun to see her in action.
- She's 3lbs 7oz, measuring almost two weeks ahead! Is this common? It was 28wks 5days, and she measured 30wks 3days. Our big girl. So glad she's growing well.
- I was given my Rhogam shot a couple of weeks ago, since my blood type is O-. Happy to have that done to make sure and protect her, in case her blood type is positive.
- At the end of Tuesday's appointment, the nurse gave me the TDAP injection. Big needle, a little uncomfortable, but the worst part is definitely the sore arm that lasts for several days. It's gone now, and again, it's worth it to keep her safe.
- We got a better 3D picture of her face. Such a precious little face. If you can't tell, I'm falling more and more in love!
With regards to my own symptoms and how the pregnancy is progressing, I will say there has definitely been a shift towards greater discomfort. Here are some examples:
- My stomach now feels overextended on a regular basis. The feeling is akin to an overblown balloon that may soon pop. lol It really is quite uncomfortable. It's worse after I have eaten or if I'm bloated and/or constipated, which happens regularly.
- Insomnia or, as one of my pregnancy apps calls it, "disrupted sleep." I have trouble falling asleep and often end up getting up for another 45 minutes to an hour before I can finally relax and nod off. Then I wake up every hour to two hours for the first half of the night to pee and/or change positions, get another chunk of sleep, wake up once more, then sleep for another hour or so. So. many. dreams. Stupid, overly and unnecessarily detailed dreams. I usually like analyzing dreams. Not these. I wake up and shake my head and try to forget and move on.
- Physical limitations in terms of shortness of breath and stamina. We went to Costco today, and I knew I could not traipse all over that warehouse of a store like normal. So, I drove one of those little scooters with the cart on the front. heehee I cracked myself up, but it worked and was just what I needed. We went to the county fair the other day, and we had fun, but I had to take regular breaks to sit down and keep drinking water.
- Basically, I feel like I'm past the "cute" pregnant stage and into the part where I look like a walking beach ball. I'm so big! I can't believe I have another 9.5 weeks to go.
I have more life stuff to share, but I'll save that for another post. Suffice to say, I'm so grateful and full of gratitude and joy for my little girl and getting to feel - and share with RC - all her activity. AND I'm feeling kind of generally anxious and overwhelmed and would love to just hibernate and not deal with the world for a while. More soon... hope you're having a lovely, fun-filled summer so far.
7/05/2019
Pregnancy Update #11 - Ultrasound pics
Bad news first: I was not offered the university job. Boo hiss to them.
I think it was because of my references, and, of course, I'm kicking myself now for not vetting them further. My first reference gave a good impression of me, I think, but may have focused on accomplishments less relevant to this job, such as the performance-based talent show I organized and directed for our student drama club. The second reference may have been unreachable. I had spoken with him within the last couple of years, but when I tried to reach him (after sending the references), he didn't even come up in a search of the college website, nor did he respond to me on LinkedIn. He either retired or possibly even passed away, I suppose. If they were unable to reach him, this reflects badly on me for not making sure my references are available, but also, he was the one reference I had on my list from the college at which I worked the longest. I could have easily provided other colleague references.
So, that sucks, though I don't know for sure that is the reason. After hearing their decision, I exchanged emails with the Director, and he did mention references and "other information" gained during the hiring process, so who knows. Maybe they even somehow found out I was pregnant?
They encouraged me to apply for other positions, but honestly, I don't have it in me. I'm done for now. I thought the odds were with me this time, and I still don't seem to have quite what they're looking for - in addition to the references, maybe my lack of 4-year university experience, maybe my background being weighted more heavily towards career counseling vs. academic advising? The Director told me the applicant pool was very deep at 400+ people, but they were hiring for *24* positions. Come on. If I can't get hired with those numbers, it doesn't bode well.
I'm also done with the community college - part-time at crap pay (I can make that salary with two new career counseling clients a month), and I did not feel good about it when I went in to meet people and review paperwork. Chaotic, draining, and depressing environment, in a nutshell. I felt a strong, inner "NO," and chose to honor that.
Plus, I'm about to enter the 3rd trimester, so it's not a good time. I'm going to focus on my business networking group, making local connections, and gaining new career counseling clients, plus getting ready for baby. RC is working, so that helps, though it does put our hopes of buying into cohousing further on the back burner for now.
On to the good news...24 week ultrasound went swimmingly! Ellie heart is developing well, and she was measuring 14 inches, weighing in at 1lb. 14oz. Almost two pounds, amazing! Her head measured on the bigger side, in the 90th percentile or something, and everything else was above 50%, mostly in 70-80% range. She was moving around a lot during the ultrasound. I've been feeling her kicks and jabs a lot lately, which makes me so happy. They said she was in a breech position, which I've read is normal at this point. Oh, and I passed my Glucose Challenge test, so I don't have to do the follow-up, which involves fasting. Yay! Here's a couple pictures of our little Ellie, as well as a recent bump pic.
Fourth of July was lots of fun, spent with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and her family out in a nearby small town that prides itself on its Fourth of July festivities. We saw a morning parade with lots of firetrucks and veterans and old-timey clubs, then went to lunch and visited. RC joined us after work, and we barbequed lots of yummy food, with blueberry cheesecake for dessert. We left before the big fireworks because RC's bedtime is now 8:30pm, due to his shift starting at 4am (!). He's leaving for a 3-week training in Chicago this Sunday but will come back for quick weekends, Friday night to Sunday morning. Should be interesting being apart like that when I'm pregnant! Hope I don't get too lonely.
I think it was because of my references, and, of course, I'm kicking myself now for not vetting them further. My first reference gave a good impression of me, I think, but may have focused on accomplishments less relevant to this job, such as the performance-based talent show I organized and directed for our student drama club. The second reference may have been unreachable. I had spoken with him within the last couple of years, but when I tried to reach him (after sending the references), he didn't even come up in a search of the college website, nor did he respond to me on LinkedIn. He either retired or possibly even passed away, I suppose. If they were unable to reach him, this reflects badly on me for not making sure my references are available, but also, he was the one reference I had on my list from the college at which I worked the longest. I could have easily provided other colleague references.
So, that sucks, though I don't know for sure that is the reason. After hearing their decision, I exchanged emails with the Director, and he did mention references and "other information" gained during the hiring process, so who knows. Maybe they even somehow found out I was pregnant?
They encouraged me to apply for other positions, but honestly, I don't have it in me. I'm done for now. I thought the odds were with me this time, and I still don't seem to have quite what they're looking for - in addition to the references, maybe my lack of 4-year university experience, maybe my background being weighted more heavily towards career counseling vs. academic advising? The Director told me the applicant pool was very deep at 400+ people, but they were hiring for *24* positions. Come on. If I can't get hired with those numbers, it doesn't bode well.
I'm also done with the community college - part-time at crap pay (I can make that salary with two new career counseling clients a month), and I did not feel good about it when I went in to meet people and review paperwork. Chaotic, draining, and depressing environment, in a nutshell. I felt a strong, inner "NO," and chose to honor that.
Plus, I'm about to enter the 3rd trimester, so it's not a good time. I'm going to focus on my business networking group, making local connections, and gaining new career counseling clients, plus getting ready for baby. RC is working, so that helps, though it does put our hopes of buying into cohousing further on the back burner for now.
On to the good news...24 week ultrasound went swimmingly! Ellie heart is developing well, and she was measuring 14 inches, weighing in at 1lb. 14oz. Almost two pounds, amazing! Her head measured on the bigger side, in the 90th percentile or something, and everything else was above 50%, mostly in 70-80% range. She was moving around a lot during the ultrasound. I've been feeling her kicks and jabs a lot lately, which makes me so happy. They said she was in a breech position, which I've read is normal at this point. Oh, and I passed my Glucose Challenge test, so I don't have to do the follow-up, which involves fasting. Yay! Here's a couple pictures of our little Ellie, as well as a recent bump pic.
Fourth of July was lots of fun, spent with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and her family out in a nearby small town that prides itself on its Fourth of July festivities. We saw a morning parade with lots of firetrucks and veterans and old-timey clubs, then went to lunch and visited. RC joined us after work, and we barbequed lots of yummy food, with blueberry cheesecake for dessert. We left before the big fireworks because RC's bedtime is now 8:30pm, due to his shift starting at 4am (!). He's leaving for a 3-week training in Chicago this Sunday but will come back for quick weekends, Friday night to Sunday morning. Should be interesting being apart like that when I'm pregnant! Hope I don't get too lonely.
6/22/2019
Conundrum
Drive-by post to share about my conundrum...sooo, the damn university has STILL not made final decisions/offers. I continue to feel optimistic because one of my references said they contacted her yesterday afternoon, and she shared good things about me. My phone call with the big wig a week ago yesterday went well: the conversation flowed, I asked questions that showed I had researched the job and reflected on the specifics, and my answer to the one interview-type question he asked at the end was strong, I think (maybe a B as it could have been a little longer and better articulated, but the content was solid).
The conundrum emerges from the reality that I have interviewed and been offered a half-time job at the community college, and they have been moving the ball forward in processing hiring paperwork and even starting a little training yesterday. The big wig had said he thought the hiring committee at the university would come back with decisions/offers last week, so I hoped Friday was safe to schedule a meeting with the community college. I could just cancel it and bow out if I was were offered the other position. Not a great feeling or something I would relish doing, but manageable and understandable, I think, considering the university pays twice as much and is a full-time job.
Now, I'm in this crap situation where I am heading full bore into more intensive training next week, starting at 9:30am Monday morning. The head Arts & Communication Department counselor, for whom, and with whom, I would be working, has already created my schedule based on my availability Monday through Wednesday and is clearly really glad I'm starting there. Argh, I feel super guilty and disingenuous.
I talked with my brother today, and he thinks I need to keep going forward with the community college until I hear from the university. He made a good point that it's not really disingenuous because I WILL work for the community college if the university offer doesn't come through. It still feels yucky, though, and, because I'm optimistic about the university position, I am afraid that I'm wasting time and energy going forward. What do you think? I'm so tempted to develop an illness before Monday morning.
I'll end with a brief positive update on Ellie from our doctor check-up yesterday. She's still doing great! Same heart rate at 140 - 150s, and the nurse measured my belly for the first time, saying it looks perfect. I'm also *finally* gaining a little bit of weight and am now eight pounds above where I started. The top part of my belly seems to be popping out a little more, and I'm feeling her move quite often. It's so awesome!!!
The conundrum emerges from the reality that I have interviewed and been offered a half-time job at the community college, and they have been moving the ball forward in processing hiring paperwork and even starting a little training yesterday. The big wig had said he thought the hiring committee at the university would come back with decisions/offers last week, so I hoped Friday was safe to schedule a meeting with the community college. I could just cancel it and bow out if I was were offered the other position. Not a great feeling or something I would relish doing, but manageable and understandable, I think, considering the university pays twice as much and is a full-time job.
Now, I'm in this crap situation where I am heading full bore into more intensive training next week, starting at 9:30am Monday morning. The head Arts & Communication Department counselor, for whom, and with whom, I would be working, has already created my schedule based on my availability Monday through Wednesday and is clearly really glad I'm starting there. Argh, I feel super guilty and disingenuous.
I talked with my brother today, and he thinks I need to keep going forward with the community college until I hear from the university. He made a good point that it's not really disingenuous because I WILL work for the community college if the university offer doesn't come through. It still feels yucky, though, and, because I'm optimistic about the university position, I am afraid that I'm wasting time and energy going forward. What do you think? I'm so tempted to develop an illness before Monday morning.
I'll end with a brief positive update on Ellie from our doctor check-up yesterday. She's still doing great! Same heart rate at 140 - 150s, and the nurse measured my belly for the first time, saying it looks perfect. I'm also *finally* gaining a little bit of weight and am now eight pounds above where I started. The top part of my belly seems to be popping out a little more, and I'm feeling her move quite often. It's so awesome!!!
6/12/2019
Pregnancy Update #10 plus job search news
I am super lazy just lately, so I'm going to do a bullet post. 😊 Developments and events of interest:
Lastly, I have some amazing news on the job front: I finally received news yesterday that I am invited to the final round of interviewing for the Career and Academic Advisor position at the university! Hallelujah! I will be speaking for a half hour over the phone with the big wig advising director at the new building where all the new advisors will be working. The head of the interview committee asked my top three preferences of Flight Paths (we each will be working with students in a specific Flight Path or career/major grouping), as well as a list of references - that seems like a good sign, doesn't it? Everything crossed!
Hope you all are enjoying the start to summer. Our weather has suddenly turned hot as Hades, and we are going to get some fans asap. I much prefer it to rain, though!
- I had my first two-week check-up visit with my maternal-fetal medicine doctor. I asked her about the Cereb (Hill) measurement and she said it was totally fine and that, with her pregnancy, she was hoping to measure in the 30th percentile. Ellie's heartbeat was 140-157, which is perfect! I will see her again a week from this Friday, and I need to remember to request the handheld ultrasound!
- I am finally feeling little Ellie moving around - hallelujah! It's not all the time, but definitely regularly. I feel less of a swish or swipe now and more of a bump or flip; just a bit more solid feeling. Instead of questioning all the time whether it might be digestion or gas, I have a sense of a living being in there moving around - so cool!
- Finally gaining a little weight! I guess this is the only time in my life when I'll be excited to gain weight, but it reassures me that Ellie is growing and my pregnancy is progressing normally. I think I've gained around six pounds at this point, and I will be 22 weeks tomorrow.
- I told my Dad what we decided to name her and showed him a couple of the ultrasound pics. He reacted positively and appropriately, so that feels like progress. I know he will love her when she gets here. He better! lol
- Here is my most recent belly pic. I feel amazed at how dramatically my belly size and how it feels from the outside changes from morning until night. Do those of you who have been pregnant remember that happening? I guess I'm weird, but I prefer when it's inflated and harder (with food and gas I guess lol) later in the day. In general, though, it's getting bigger and harder to hide, even if I wanted to.
Lastly, I have some amazing news on the job front: I finally received news yesterday that I am invited to the final round of interviewing for the Career and Academic Advisor position at the university! Hallelujah! I will be speaking for a half hour over the phone with the big wig advising director at the new building where all the new advisors will be working. The head of the interview committee asked my top three preferences of Flight Paths (we each will be working with students in a specific Flight Path or career/major grouping), as well as a list of references - that seems like a good sign, doesn't it? Everything crossed!
Hope you all are enjoying the start to summer. Our weather has suddenly turned hot as Hades, and we are going to get some fans asap. I much prefer it to rain, though!
5/27/2019
Pregnancy Update #9 - Second Trimester Ultrasound
I'm happy to share that our second trimester (18 weeks 4 days) ultrasound went very well, with no unwelcome surprises! All her organs, including her heart (four chambers pumping away - so cool!), looked great and her measurements were all within normal range. She was actually measuring four days ahead! Her arm and leg bones were in the 70+ percentile; wonder if that means she will be tall?
The only measurement that was lower was the, "Cereb (Hill)" measurement, which I think is the diameter of the cerebellum? This one was 18.9mm and fell in the 30th percentile. I looked it up and one site said it's not really used any more. Plus, there were several conversations on pregnancy boards about numbers being low on that measurement, so I don't think it's uncommon? Anyone have more information? The doctor didn't mention it or seem concerned, so I'm thinking it's probably okay. This is one explanation I read: "Mean TCD was 17.32 mm in 14-20 weeks of gestation, 26.63 mm in 21-30 weeks and 40.73mm in 31-40 weeks."
The tech confirmed absolutely that she is a girl. :) I saw the three lines myself before she even told us. We got a great profile picture, which I'll share below, but she wouldn't cooperate for a 3D profile or forward-facing picture. She is so adorable, though, and I am in love. Her little foot is the sweetest, too. The doctor actually asked how often I would like to be seen and suggested every two weeks, when I indicated as often as possible! We won't get another full ultrasound for six weeks, but she said she could do a quick handheld ultrasound if we wanted. Yay!
On the work front, RC is on his third day at the new job today. He is finishing up the video training and looking forward to getting out for the on-the-job training. I received an email from the university thanking me for my patience and lettimg me know they are still working through the process and will let me know soon. I think I should hear this week, as they've mentioned making hiring decisions by the end of May several times. Everything crossed!
The only measurement that was lower was the, "Cereb (Hill)" measurement, which I think is the diameter of the cerebellum? This one was 18.9mm and fell in the 30th percentile. I looked it up and one site said it's not really used any more. Plus, there were several conversations on pregnancy boards about numbers being low on that measurement, so I don't think it's uncommon? Anyone have more information? The doctor didn't mention it or seem concerned, so I'm thinking it's probably okay. This is one explanation I read: "Mean TCD was 17.32 mm in 14-20 weeks of gestation, 26.63 mm in 21-30 weeks and 40.73mm in 31-40 weeks."
The tech confirmed absolutely that she is a girl. :) I saw the three lines myself before she even told us. We got a great profile picture, which I'll share below, but she wouldn't cooperate for a 3D profile or forward-facing picture. She is so adorable, though, and I am in love. Her little foot is the sweetest, too. The doctor actually asked how often I would like to be seen and suggested every two weeks, when I indicated as often as possible! We won't get another full ultrasound for six weeks, but she said she could do a quick handheld ultrasound if we wanted. Yay!
On the work front, RC is on his third day at the new job today. He is finishing up the video training and looking forward to getting out for the on-the-job training. I received an email from the university thanking me for my patience and lettimg me know they are still working through the process and will let me know soon. I think I should hear this week, as they've mentioned making hiring decisions by the end of May several times. Everything crossed!
5/19/2019
Pregnancy and Life Update #8
Our trip to Bend was fun! More fun for me than RC, I think, but oh well. He struggles a bit, it seems, to sleep and feel grounded when he's away from home. I tend to enjoy the break, especially if we are in a beautiful place. RC, Zoey, and I did enjoy getting outside and walking along the river path, with a wonderful hill/mountain view; a view you can enjoy from many places in Bend. Exploring downtown was fun, too, and we ate at a yummy restaurant with great ambiance called, Zydeco.
We stayed at my family's house, which we both found a little over the top in terms of ceiling height in every room - seems like a waste of materials in some rooms to me, honestly - and it was interesting to me that the house lacked warmth and homey touches overall, considering they bought it when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so they would have a place to get away that was closer to home than Tahoe. But she passed away before they truly and fully settled in and decorated it, so I think maybe the energy kind of stalled out because my Mom and Dad were leading the effort together. I don't think Dad even goes there much, if at all, and likely doesn't want to think about or invest in decorating. That's my theory, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's pretty stark and overly minimalist, but at the same time very nice.
The last day, I took a little hike by myself (RC's knee was bothering him) up a hill in the neighborhood and took these pictures of the mountain views.
In work news, RC finally landed a job! It's a "for now" job at the Eugene Airport working for a consultant company that staffs United Airlines. It's in customer service with a high level of responsibility, as he wanted, and in a couple weeks they are sending him to Chicago for a 3-week training (he gets sent home for weekends). We will likely get some sweet airline travel perks, though I may not use these for a while. Hopefully, his extended family might get some kind of benefit and his sons could use these to visit us.
I had what I feel was a good second interview with the university but am still waiting to hear back. The interview was nine days ago. I may check in on Monday or Tuesday to inquire where they are in the process. I also may have a new career counseling client...I'll hear back on that Monday.
I will end with a pregnancy update, but I will have an even bigger update after our developmental, second-trimester ultrasound on Tuesday. After this long slog through the desert, we are almost there. I'm honestly frustrated at this point that I still can't feel her in a clear and definitive way. If so many other people weren't already feeling their babies in my groups, I may not feel this way, but I just really want that connection with her and the ongoing reassurance it brings.
We have continued to use the home doppler every few days to hear the heartbeat, which is helpful. I wish the feeling would last but it fades within a day or two. I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger, though, what do you think?
Yesterday, at my nieces t-ball game, when I picked up her little sister to help her onto the monkey bars, I felt a pull in my lower abdomen. Not painful, but I definitely think my time for picking up things over 25 pounds has come to an end for the next few months. I want to be cautious. Overall, I've been feeling good, though, and eating quite a bit. RC brought me home a Cinnabon the other day and it was gone in no time, whole thing, no problem. lol I'm trying to get my salads and raw carrots in, lots of fruit, but still not feeling myself "drawn," shall we say, to cooked vegetable. Oh well, I think I'm still getting what I need. I've only gained four pounds so far.
In the last couple days, I've started reading books to her, because I read she can hear me now and that if you read certain books to them in utero, they respond more to those books after they are born. Cool, right? Plus, it's a nice bonding time. 💗
One other fun thing I'll share: I'm getting little hairy blonde peach fuzz on my belly. LOL I noticed it when I was doing the home doppler. It sticks straight up and is luckily quite light at this point. Did this happen to anyone else? I've read it's not uncommon and has to do with increased estrogen levels. They say it goes away within 6-months after birth. Honestly, though, this symptom, as with all my others, I can't help but feel excited (or at least neutral) and grateful towards because it's all part of being pregnant and finally becoming a mother. I've been very lucky, so far, and symptoms have not been awful or unmanageable.
I'll post again in a few days with more news and pictures from my ultrasounds.
We stayed at my family's house, which we both found a little over the top in terms of ceiling height in every room - seems like a waste of materials in some rooms to me, honestly - and it was interesting to me that the house lacked warmth and homey touches overall, considering they bought it when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so they would have a place to get away that was closer to home than Tahoe. But she passed away before they truly and fully settled in and decorated it, so I think maybe the energy kind of stalled out because my Mom and Dad were leading the effort together. I don't think Dad even goes there much, if at all, and likely doesn't want to think about or invest in decorating. That's my theory, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's pretty stark and overly minimalist, but at the same time very nice.
The last day, I took a little hike by myself (RC's knee was bothering him) up a hill in the neighborhood and took these pictures of the mountain views.
In work news, RC finally landed a job! It's a "for now" job at the Eugene Airport working for a consultant company that staffs United Airlines. It's in customer service with a high level of responsibility, as he wanted, and in a couple weeks they are sending him to Chicago for a 3-week training (he gets sent home for weekends). We will likely get some sweet airline travel perks, though I may not use these for a while. Hopefully, his extended family might get some kind of benefit and his sons could use these to visit us.I had what I feel was a good second interview with the university but am still waiting to hear back. The interview was nine days ago. I may check in on Monday or Tuesday to inquire where they are in the process. I also may have a new career counseling client...I'll hear back on that Monday.
I will end with a pregnancy update, but I will have an even bigger update after our developmental, second-trimester ultrasound on Tuesday. After this long slog through the desert, we are almost there. I'm honestly frustrated at this point that I still can't feel her in a clear and definitive way. If so many other people weren't already feeling their babies in my groups, I may not feel this way, but I just really want that connection with her and the ongoing reassurance it brings.
We have continued to use the home doppler every few days to hear the heartbeat, which is helpful. I wish the feeling would last but it fades within a day or two. I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger, though, what do you think?
Yesterday, at my nieces t-ball game, when I picked up her little sister to help her onto the monkey bars, I felt a pull in my lower abdomen. Not painful, but I definitely think my time for picking up things over 25 pounds has come to an end for the next few months. I want to be cautious. Overall, I've been feeling good, though, and eating quite a bit. RC brought me home a Cinnabon the other day and it was gone in no time, whole thing, no problem. lol I'm trying to get my salads and raw carrots in, lots of fruit, but still not feeling myself "drawn," shall we say, to cooked vegetable. Oh well, I think I'm still getting what I need. I've only gained four pounds so far.
In the last couple days, I've started reading books to her, because I read she can hear me now and that if you read certain books to them in utero, they respond more to those books after they are born. Cool, right? Plus, it's a nice bonding time. 💗
One other fun thing I'll share: I'm getting little hairy blonde peach fuzz on my belly. LOL I noticed it when I was doing the home doppler. It sticks straight up and is luckily quite light at this point. Did this happen to anyone else? I've read it's not uncommon and has to do with increased estrogen levels. They say it goes away within 6-months after birth. Honestly, though, this symptom, as with all my others, I can't help but feel excited (or at least neutral) and grateful towards because it's all part of being pregnant and finally becoming a mother. I've been very lucky, so far, and symptoms have not been awful or unmanageable.
I'll post again in a few days with more news and pictures from my ultrasounds.
5/05/2019
Pregnancy Update #7
My belly is continuing to grow, and it's getting harder, especially on the sides, which is exciting. Here's my latest bump picture of our baby avocado:
I'm not sharing these broadly or on FB, so you are part of a select few to see this picture. :)
We're in a sixteen day countdown until our next maternal-fetal medicine visit and ultrasound. Our last visit with the obgyn was a few days ago. Pudge's heartbeat was around 138-140, which is lower than before, but I've been reassured it's still great and in the normal range. I know the heartbeat lowers as the baby grows bigger. Today, on the home doppler, her heartbeat was so strong! yay! And seemed to hover in the 140s and occasionally jump into the 150s or dip into 130s. It's such an amazing feeling when it's beating along so strong and steady. I said to RC, "That's our little baby!" 💓
I'm still feeling good overall. Boobs continue to be quite sore and to grow. I will definitely need new bras soon. My neck is stiff from sleeping in the Snoogle pillow, but it totally helps my hips and body comfort, so I'm sticking with it. Did anyone else use a Snoogle and have advice for me to make my neck more comfy? I'm thinking about getting a soft, thin pillow to put over the head section. I'm able to eat a wider variety of food but still mainly getting my veggies from salads and veggies in soups or sauces.
The foods that have been my friends all along include:
My emotions flair up at times, still, but definitely less. It seems like I'm more apt to feel a wave of sadness and cry once in a while than to become irritated/angry and snap at RC unexpectedly, so that's better for RC. :) I still get super tired and take afternoon naps. I was hoping that would pass, so I could have that 1-2 hours back in the afternoon, but not yet. I'm lucky I don't have a set schedule in the late afternoon right now.
On the work front, my interview with the university went well, and they asked me to be available for a second interview next Friday, this one on Zoom/video. Those can be awkward, in my experience, but I will do my best! If I get this job, it makes me nervous (already!) about being separated from Pudge after maternity leave, down the road. It's also an exciting opportunity, however, and would open doors for us to buy into a cohousing community here, which would fulfill another long-held dream of mine and be great for our family. We have recently met some folks in the community and become associate members ($50/month). Construction starts in the fall on this great property on the river that flows through Eugene. Please send good thoughts!
Tomorrow, we are looking forward to heading out of town to Bend, OR and playing outdoors in the sun for a couple of days, as well as checking out the town, which has grown up a lot since I was last there. But first, GOT tonight! Woo hoo! 😆
I'm not sharing these broadly or on FB, so you are part of a select few to see this picture. :)
We're in a sixteen day countdown until our next maternal-fetal medicine visit and ultrasound. Our last visit with the obgyn was a few days ago. Pudge's heartbeat was around 138-140, which is lower than before, but I've been reassured it's still great and in the normal range. I know the heartbeat lowers as the baby grows bigger. Today, on the home doppler, her heartbeat was so strong! yay! And seemed to hover in the 140s and occasionally jump into the 150s or dip into 130s. It's such an amazing feeling when it's beating along so strong and steady. I said to RC, "That's our little baby!" 💓
I'm still feeling good overall. Boobs continue to be quite sore and to grow. I will definitely need new bras soon. My neck is stiff from sleeping in the Snoogle pillow, but it totally helps my hips and body comfort, so I'm sticking with it. Did anyone else use a Snoogle and have advice for me to make my neck more comfy? I'm thinking about getting a soft, thin pillow to put over the head section. I'm able to eat a wider variety of food but still mainly getting my veggies from salads and veggies in soups or sauces.
The foods that have been my friends all along include:
- Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
- Chicken noodle soup
- Chicken pot pies for quite a while, but now I'm off of them
- Pasta, especially with creamy/white sauce, with ground beef or shellfish
- Potatoes: french fries, tater tots, baked or mashed.
- THINLY-sliced turkey sandwiches with tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, cranberry if they have it
- Mexican food: tacos, burritos, nachos, quesadillas
- Cheese/dairy in many forms, which is strange because I've been lactose tolerant, yet seem to tolerate it better (and crave it) in pregnancy. I still cough a bit at times but no headaches
- Salads, especially with apples and cheese in them
- Spicy chips; both corn chips and potato chips
- Sheep's milk yogurt - plain to dip my chips in and blackberry for breakfast
- Spicy nuts: mixed nuts, honey mustard nuts/pretzel mix, almonds
- Fresh fruit: melon, berries, strawberries, mandarin oranges, bananas
- Lately, cereal, honey-nut cheerios
- ICE CREAM in many forms but mainly Blizzards and milkshakes
- Breakfast breads and pastries, such as waffles, donuts, bear claws, muffins, etc.
- Almond milk
- Salmon, most cooked meat on its own, most of the time
- Bacon
- Eggs
- Cooked vegetables
- Squash, sweet potato, etc.
- Many fried foods (excluding potatoes and desserts)
- Pizza doesn't sound great
My emotions flair up at times, still, but definitely less. It seems like I'm more apt to feel a wave of sadness and cry once in a while than to become irritated/angry and snap at RC unexpectedly, so that's better for RC. :) I still get super tired and take afternoon naps. I was hoping that would pass, so I could have that 1-2 hours back in the afternoon, but not yet. I'm lucky I don't have a set schedule in the late afternoon right now.
On the work front, my interview with the university went well, and they asked me to be available for a second interview next Friday, this one on Zoom/video. Those can be awkward, in my experience, but I will do my best! If I get this job, it makes me nervous (already!) about being separated from Pudge after maternity leave, down the road. It's also an exciting opportunity, however, and would open doors for us to buy into a cohousing community here, which would fulfill another long-held dream of mine and be great for our family. We have recently met some folks in the community and become associate members ($50/month). Construction starts in the fall on this great property on the river that flows through Eugene. Please send good thoughts!
Tomorrow, we are looking forward to heading out of town to Bend, OR and playing outdoors in the sun for a couple of days, as well as checking out the town, which has grown up a lot since I was last there. But first, GOT tonight! Woo hoo! 😆
4/15/2019
Pregnancy Update #6 - amended re gender!
Amendment: Until I received your comments asking about the gender change, I completely forgot I had not posted about that yet! I had written to friends and made FB posts, but I forgot to update my blog! So sorry!
Yeah, based on genetic NIPT testing, it turns out Pudge is a girl. 😬 The best I can figure out, SneakPeek was contaminated or something. RC was in the room and, although it was very clean, I didn’t bleach the testing surface, so maybe that was enough. It was embarrassing reannouncing to some of my family. But we are so excited that it balances out! After three boys from his previous life, he finally has his girl. And as I’ve shared, I did see myself being mom to a girl, but had adjusted and was really happy with a boy, too. I loved Pudge as a boy, and I love her as a girl.
Sorry for taking you along on our path of confusion. We are now hard at work coming up with girl names after we’d already reached a short list for a boy. But we are happy and excited and are fully in love with our girl now!
———————————————————————————
Overall, my emotions are a bit less intense the last week or so; yay!
I did burst into tears yesterday when we got back to the car after church due to a build up of emotions from a really sore/seized up neck muscle and just the required focus and attention to listen to the service and while socializing afterwards with a very chatty woman. It still surprises me when it happens, this bursting into tears thing. It's quite a foreign experience and catches me off guard. I will say it provides relief and a release of pent up emotions and stress. RC was quite sweet, asking if I was okay and helping to relieve some of the muscle pain with pressure and massage.
Overall, I'd say I'm less reactive and crabby but still have some extra energy and anxiety circulating. Recently, I have noticed I can become overly focused on my family and their reactions, or more commonly their lack of reactions. For example, my Dad still won't really engage with talking about the pregnancy, though he's not being negative either. I think he's still wrapping his head around it. My sister won't respond to my texts many times and is not inviting us to my niece and nephew's ball games, even though I've asked her to several times.
A couple of days ago, though, I decided that I want and need to focus on my/our own life/lives and moving forward on finding activities and relationships that engage us and make us happy here in Oregon. We need to build our own lives, basically, and worry less about being included in other people's. Does that make sense? It feels right, anyway, even though I doubt I will stop wanting to connect more with my family.
More baby news...We had an Obgyn appointment a few days ago, and the doctor easily heard Pudge's heartbeat nice and loud on the doppler. I was surprised when she told us that the top of the uterus is at least halfway up to my belly button; much higher than I thought it was! We discussed me transferring to the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor after my next appointment on May 1st, and I feel comfortable with that. It just makes sense considering their expertise and availability. They can respond to any issues if, God forbid, they arise.
We also listened to Pudge on our at-home doppler yesterday and I found her hearbeat MUCH more easily. So fun! I love having the option to listen and get reassurance if needed. So far, we are only using it once or twice a week. I can't wait until I can feel her moving in there!
If you have experienced pregnancy, do you remember when you first felt the baby move? I have heard a wide variety of timelines, from 13 or 14 weeks to 16 to 18 weeks. I am 13 weeks four days today, so I know it's still early. As with so many other milestones on this journey, I have to practice my patience. 😄
We are in high gear on the baby name search! Still in expanding and eliminating mode and have not yet arrived at a "short list." We will likely include my birth mom's middle name Lynne, however, regardless what first name we land on. I am having a lot of fun with this process and do a little more research and reflection every day. A name is a big deal, I think, and deserves a lot of thought. :)
Yeah, based on genetic NIPT testing, it turns out Pudge is a girl. 😬 The best I can figure out, SneakPeek was contaminated or something. RC was in the room and, although it was very clean, I didn’t bleach the testing surface, so maybe that was enough. It was embarrassing reannouncing to some of my family. But we are so excited that it balances out! After three boys from his previous life, he finally has his girl. And as I’ve shared, I did see myself being mom to a girl, but had adjusted and was really happy with a boy, too. I loved Pudge as a boy, and I love her as a girl.
Sorry for taking you along on our path of confusion. We are now hard at work coming up with girl names after we’d already reached a short list for a boy. But we are happy and excited and are fully in love with our girl now!
———————————————————————————
Overall, my emotions are a bit less intense the last week or so; yay!
I did burst into tears yesterday when we got back to the car after church due to a build up of emotions from a really sore/seized up neck muscle and just the required focus and attention to listen to the service and while socializing afterwards with a very chatty woman. It still surprises me when it happens, this bursting into tears thing. It's quite a foreign experience and catches me off guard. I will say it provides relief and a release of pent up emotions and stress. RC was quite sweet, asking if I was okay and helping to relieve some of the muscle pain with pressure and massage.
Overall, I'd say I'm less reactive and crabby but still have some extra energy and anxiety circulating. Recently, I have noticed I can become overly focused on my family and their reactions, or more commonly their lack of reactions. For example, my Dad still won't really engage with talking about the pregnancy, though he's not being negative either. I think he's still wrapping his head around it. My sister won't respond to my texts many times and is not inviting us to my niece and nephew's ball games, even though I've asked her to several times.
A couple of days ago, though, I decided that I want and need to focus on my/our own life/lives and moving forward on finding activities and relationships that engage us and make us happy here in Oregon. We need to build our own lives, basically, and worry less about being included in other people's. Does that make sense? It feels right, anyway, even though I doubt I will stop wanting to connect more with my family.
More baby news...We had an Obgyn appointment a few days ago, and the doctor easily heard Pudge's heartbeat nice and loud on the doppler. I was surprised when she told us that the top of the uterus is at least halfway up to my belly button; much higher than I thought it was! We discussed me transferring to the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor after my next appointment on May 1st, and I feel comfortable with that. It just makes sense considering their expertise and availability. They can respond to any issues if, God forbid, they arise.
We also listened to Pudge on our at-home doppler yesterday and I found her hearbeat MUCH more easily. So fun! I love having the option to listen and get reassurance if needed. So far, we are only using it once or twice a week. I can't wait until I can feel her moving in there!
If you have experienced pregnancy, do you remember when you first felt the baby move? I have heard a wide variety of timelines, from 13 or 14 weeks to 16 to 18 weeks. I am 13 weeks four days today, so I know it's still early. As with so many other milestones on this journey, I have to practice my patience. 😄
We are in high gear on the baby name search! Still in expanding and eliminating mode and have not yet arrived at a "short list." We will likely include my birth mom's middle name Lynne, however, regardless what first name we land on. I am having a lot of fun with this process and do a little more research and reflection every day. A name is a big deal, I think, and deserves a lot of thought. :)
4/07/2019
Rough Day...and Gratitude
Today is a rough day. I was extremely emotional this morning, overwhelmed and sobbing, triggered by RC being in a bad mood and responding with irritability when I asked what he was journaling about.
Something that might have made me feel somewhat sad and disappointed normally became much more intense and tied up in thoughts that he wasn't happy to see me, he didn't like being around me. My inner child said he was being mean and lacking sympathy and care when he didn't comfort me when I was crying. Ach, what a mess.
Yes, he could have risen to the occasion and been the adult with reason, but he was not in a grounded place or able to do that for whatever reason. And, bottom line, I was the one overreacting and losing it. In any case, he went upstairs and then ended up going out, which was honestly not a bad thing, as I needed space, as well. I know he'll be back later and is likely studying for his big personal trainer certification test on Tuesday (one reason why he's ungrounded).
I ate breakfast and am now resting and watching TV. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. I stopped progesterone and estrogen supplementation 2-3 days ago and thought that might lead to less emotionality, not more, but that has not been the case yet, unfortunately. The rain here in Oregon is unceasing right now, as well, which doesn't help my mood, and also prevents me from getting outside for nice, uplifting spring walks.
I recently read that a key to happiness is thinking of three things for which your grateful, every day, so I will end this downer post with that practice, in hopes it helps. Three things for which I'm grateful:
Something that might have made me feel somewhat sad and disappointed normally became much more intense and tied up in thoughts that he wasn't happy to see me, he didn't like being around me. My inner child said he was being mean and lacking sympathy and care when he didn't comfort me when I was crying. Ach, what a mess.
Yes, he could have risen to the occasion and been the adult with reason, but he was not in a grounded place or able to do that for whatever reason. And, bottom line, I was the one overreacting and losing it. In any case, he went upstairs and then ended up going out, which was honestly not a bad thing, as I needed space, as well. I know he'll be back later and is likely studying for his big personal trainer certification test on Tuesday (one reason why he's ungrounded).
I ate breakfast and am now resting and watching TV. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. I stopped progesterone and estrogen supplementation 2-3 days ago and thought that might lead to less emotionality, not more, but that has not been the case yet, unfortunately. The rain here in Oregon is unceasing right now, as well, which doesn't help my mood, and also prevents me from getting outside for nice, uplifting spring walks.
I recently read that a key to happiness is thinking of three things for which your grateful, every day, so I will end this downer post with that practice, in hopes it helps. Three things for which I'm grateful:
- We heard Pudge's hearbeat on the home doppler for the second time on Friday; music to our ears.
- I went to my oldest niece, J's, state book-reading competition (OBOB) yesterday, and it was wonderful to see her having fun and doing something she's passionate about, as well as to connect with my sister and other family members at the event.
- Even though I'm currently in some limbo, I'm hopeful about my work situation. I completed three applications for new Career/Academic Advisor positions at the U of O, which correlate with 35 (!) total positions. Needless to say, they are dramatically increasing their advising resources, and my hiring odds simultaneously increase, as well. I also just officially applied and was accepted to a local business networking referral group that meets weekly, and I may have already landed my first client through the group - fingers crossed. I'll find out after a week or so, when she finishes the busy tax season.
4/02/2019
Pregnancy Update #5 - Second Ultrasound
We saw Pudge again yesterday! Little guy was wiggling and kicking at times, which was so amazing to see. He arched his back at one point; so cute! And thus begins the era of 1 million things that I think are adorable, and others probably roll their eyes at. 🙄😃 I’m glad to become annoying in that way, though. I welcome it.
Some data points we took away from our appointment:
- His heart was beating away at 170 bpm.
- Nuchal screening came out great: 1.46 and they want it under 3.
- They drew blood for the NIPT screening, but we won’t hear back for about 10 days. Then we will know 100% conclusively that we have a little boy, and hopefully get peace of mind that the chances of genetic/developmental issues are low.
- They will also test my thyroid level, to my relief. My OB/GYN was somewhat dismissive about it, saying we didn’t need to test for a while longer, but this high-risk doctor was very on board with testing. She said the required dosage level usually increases by 30% during pregnancy.
We talked about making our pregnancy announcement after this ultrasound and are coming up with some fun ideas. Hopefully, we can post it later today or tomorrow. I’ve let most of the people I care about know already, but RC has a lot of longer distance friends and acquaintances. I know he likes sharing and celebrating with these folks online. I hope it’s not obnoxious or hurtful to anyone in the trenches of infertility.
Without further ado, here is the most recent picture of Pudge 😍😍😍:
4/01/2019
Pregnancy Update 4.5 - Maternal Fetal Medicine
I am gearing up for the second ultrasound today at the Maternal Fetal Medicine clinic. I am excited but also nervous. We get to see Pudge again, and so that is a fun thing, but there is always that thought, "What if something is wrong?" We just heard the heartbeat through home doppler a few of days ago, which was very reassuring, but oddly enough, the reassurance seems to last a couple of days and then dissipates. I am trying to limit use to every few days. Praying that he's going to be an active little bub in there; whole, healthy, and developing right on time.
Other tasks on the agenda today include talking to the high-risk testing folks about our background, what we know of the donor's background, and discussing potential testing. We are already clear we will not be doing any invasive testing, like amniocentesis or CVS (chorionic villus sampling), because our egg donor was 23-years-old, and there isn't anything we could possibly find out that would make us change course. I suppose the case could be made for preparation, but I think bigger issues would become known as the pregnancy progresses, with plenty of time to prepare. It's sad to even think about.
We are definitely going to agree to the NIPT blood testing, and they will do the nuchal translucency screening during the ultrasound, as well. I will also be getting an echocardiogram and an EKG in the afternoon, which I'm SO excited about. nope. The doctor wants me to do it, and I guess it can't hurt to be clear, but I've never had blood pressure or heart problems detected of any kind. I've had excellent blood pressure readings, actually, as well as cholesterol. Oh well. It doesn't sound painful, at least.
I will post an update later with more information and hopefully an exciting new ultrasound picture. I think we will be able to hear the heart this time, too, and I'm sure their machine will amplify it better than our home doppler. I'm definitely looking forward to that, and I hope my little guy is kicking and moving around in there. 😊
Other tasks on the agenda today include talking to the high-risk testing folks about our background, what we know of the donor's background, and discussing potential testing. We are already clear we will not be doing any invasive testing, like amniocentesis or CVS (chorionic villus sampling), because our egg donor was 23-years-old, and there isn't anything we could possibly find out that would make us change course. I suppose the case could be made for preparation, but I think bigger issues would become known as the pregnancy progresses, with plenty of time to prepare. It's sad to even think about.
We are definitely going to agree to the NIPT blood testing, and they will do the nuchal translucency screening during the ultrasound, as well. I will also be getting an echocardiogram and an EKG in the afternoon, which I'm SO excited about. nope. The doctor wants me to do it, and I guess it can't hurt to be clear, but I've never had blood pressure or heart problems detected of any kind. I've had excellent blood pressure readings, actually, as well as cholesterol. Oh well. It doesn't sound painful, at least.
I will post an update later with more information and hopefully an exciting new ultrasound picture. I think we will be able to hear the heart this time, too, and I'm sure their machine will amplify it better than our home doppler. I'm definitely looking forward to that, and I hope my little guy is kicking and moving around in there. 😊
3/23/2019
Pregnancy Update #4
Just checking if anyone is still out there? I know something happened with google comments and blogger, so I hope that didn't mess anyone up. (hint: I would very much love you to comment 😍)
I do have some news....
So, the results of Sneak Peak came back in about 3 days. They send a Results email. I had read that once you open the email, you have to click something else to see the results, but that was not the case. RC and I leaned in together, and I slowly scrolled down the email, which said:
Now, I immediately knew that RC was experiencing disappointment, and he went into a bit of a funk for a while. For my part, I acknowledged his disappointment but was acutely aware that I felt happy and was NOT experiencing said disappointment. I sort of floated around all day, feeling happy and wanting to celebrate. I went to the children's clothing store to return the one girl outfit we bought, and found the cutest little striped onesie and a darling matching monkey sweatshirt.
Wow, finding out the gender does make it SO much more real; makes the baby so much more real. RC is working through his disappointment. I do understand, considering he's raised three boys already. But our little guy has a different gene pool and will be a unique and special person. Anyway, he knows that and is getting excited again. *As a side note, I'm beyond ready to be done with progesterone shots in the butt. The one this morning hurt really bad, and I started crying. I'm definitely more emotional still.
Later, there was a big birthday party event for my sister-in-law, and I gave my family these cigars on an individual basis to get the news out there because I knew we would want to talk about it. My little game was that I would say, "Remember when we were young, and we would get those candy cigarettes and it was so fun? Well, I thought I would get us some for tonight." Then, I would hand them a cigar and wait for them to realize what it said. Sometimes it took a minute, as my acting skills are pretty strong. lol
Everyone was happy for us, but my brother's reaction was the best. He was both surprised and super excited for me. My sister was happy, too. Right now, her son is the only boy cousin, but she has loved having a boy. We hope to announce both the pregnancy and gender on F@cebook after our second ultrasound on the 1st. I am praying it goes well!
I do have some news....
So, the results of Sneak Peak came back in about 3 days. They send a Results email. I had read that once you open the email, you have to click something else to see the results, but that was not the case. RC and I leaned in together, and I slowly scrolled down the email, which said:
Now, I immediately knew that RC was experiencing disappointment, and he went into a bit of a funk for a while. For my part, I acknowledged his disappointment but was acutely aware that I felt happy and was NOT experiencing said disappointment. I sort of floated around all day, feeling happy and wanting to celebrate. I went to the children's clothing store to return the one girl outfit we bought, and found the cutest little striped onesie and a darling matching monkey sweatshirt.
Wow, finding out the gender does make it SO much more real; makes the baby so much more real. RC is working through his disappointment. I do understand, considering he's raised three boys already. But our little guy has a different gene pool and will be a unique and special person. Anyway, he knows that and is getting excited again. *As a side note, I'm beyond ready to be done with progesterone shots in the butt. The one this morning hurt really bad, and I started crying. I'm definitely more emotional still.
Later, there was a big birthday party event for my sister-in-law, and I gave my family these cigars on an individual basis to get the news out there because I knew we would want to talk about it. My little game was that I would say, "Remember when we were young, and we would get those candy cigarettes and it was so fun? Well, I thought I would get us some for tonight." Then, I would hand them a cigar and wait for them to realize what it said. Sometimes it took a minute, as my acting skills are pretty strong. lol
Everyone was happy for us, but my brother's reaction was the best. He was both surprised and super excited for me. My sister was happy, too. Right now, her son is the only boy cousin, but she has loved having a boy. We hope to announce both the pregnancy and gender on F@cebook after our second ultrasound on the 1st. I am praying it goes well!
3/20/2019
Honeymoon Ending and Transition
We are back home now in Oregon. It's quite a transition to come back to real life post-wedding and honeymoon. Both of us feel kind of emotional, discombobulated and like hibernating.
To catch up from the last post when we had the argument... everything was fine. lol He apologized for being reactive, and we went on to have a great day at Butchart Gardens. It's an amazing landscape and design! I will recommend that, if you go, you go during the late Spring and Summer when you can experience the flowers in full bloom. One of our favorite attractions was this fantastical carousel with every wild animal you can imagine. We rode it twice and had a lot of fun making videos for the nieces and nephew back home.
On St. Patrick's Day, we took the bus to Craigdarroch Castle in the morning. They restored many of the rooms to their original state when the Dunsmuirs lived there - well, the Dunsmuirs minus the patriarch, John, who died months before it was finished! I felt like we were taking a trip back in time, and the architecture and views were very unusual and cool. Then, we went back downtown for lunch at the Bard and Banker pub, a very large and beautiful English/Scottish/Irish pub, which, on this day, even offered Irish dancers. 💚
The last couple of days there, the weather warmed up considerably, and we could walk around in shirtsleeves. Our ferry ride back to Port Angeles went smoothly, as did our drive back down to Oregon. Wonderful to see our fur children again, and they were excited to see us, too, though I think they'd been pretty spoiled by the pet sitters. So now, yes, adjusting, transitioning, trying not to worry too much about little Pudge, and counting the days to our next ultrasound on the 1st.
Last bit of news: I collected the blood sample for our gender test yesterday morning and sent it off. At one point, it looked like the scene of a massacre! I clearly am not skilled in the ways of collecting blood. But, eventually enough blood spilled from my poor fingertips into the bottom of the tube, and here's hoping I didn't contaminate it in any way. I imagine we will hear back tomorrow or the next day.
Both of us are hoping for a girl, but RC's record is all boys, and my food aversions and lack of morning sickness supposedly indicate boy, as well. I'll be over the moon, either way, but it would be nice for RC to have the experience of having a daughter, and, in some energetic ways, I feel like a girl would be easier for us introverts. Boys can be so incredibly sweet, though, and they say boys take care of their mothers. 😃 I'll let you know when we find out!
To catch up from the last post when we had the argument... everything was fine. lol He apologized for being reactive, and we went on to have a great day at Butchart Gardens. It's an amazing landscape and design! I will recommend that, if you go, you go during the late Spring and Summer when you can experience the flowers in full bloom. One of our favorite attractions was this fantastical carousel with every wild animal you can imagine. We rode it twice and had a lot of fun making videos for the nieces and nephew back home.
On St. Patrick's Day, we took the bus to Craigdarroch Castle in the morning. They restored many of the rooms to their original state when the Dunsmuirs lived there - well, the Dunsmuirs minus the patriarch, John, who died months before it was finished! I felt like we were taking a trip back in time, and the architecture and views were very unusual and cool. Then, we went back downtown for lunch at the Bard and Banker pub, a very large and beautiful English/Scottish/Irish pub, which, on this day, even offered Irish dancers. 💚
The last couple of days there, the weather warmed up considerably, and we could walk around in shirtsleeves. Our ferry ride back to Port Angeles went smoothly, as did our drive back down to Oregon. Wonderful to see our fur children again, and they were excited to see us, too, though I think they'd been pretty spoiled by the pet sitters. So now, yes, adjusting, transitioning, trying not to worry too much about little Pudge, and counting the days to our next ultrasound on the 1st.
Last bit of news: I collected the blood sample for our gender test yesterday morning and sent it off. At one point, it looked like the scene of a massacre! I clearly am not skilled in the ways of collecting blood. But, eventually enough blood spilled from my poor fingertips into the bottom of the tube, and here's hoping I didn't contaminate it in any way. I imagine we will hear back tomorrow or the next day.
Both of us are hoping for a girl, but RC's record is all boys, and my food aversions and lack of morning sickness supposedly indicate boy, as well. I'll be over the moon, either way, but it would be nice for RC to have the experience of having a daughter, and, in some energetic ways, I feel like a girl would be easier for us introverts. Boys can be so incredibly sweet, though, and they say boys take care of their mothers. 😃 I'll let you know when we find out!
3/15/2019
Victoria BC plus Pregnancy Update #3
We are in Victoria on our honeymoon. It's been lovely and fun, but this morning we had an argument. I can get frustrated with his lack of response and not articulating how he's feeling or what he's thinking. This leaves me feeling frustrated, confused, and I can assume (which I guess I shouldn't) that he disagrees or has a negative judgment about what I have been saying.
Last night we were talking about massage options. We were both looking forward to getting a massage yesterday afternoon and had done the research to find a place to go, but when we called, they said they were booked up until next Tuesday (we leave Monday). So last night, I was looking at an alternative place that was a bit more money, like $10 - $15 more per person, and he stated the amount that both massages would come to, as though it were prohibitive. I responded that it wasn't much more than the other place, but I also looked up less expensive massage in Oregon, which we could get as soon as we get back as sort of a compromise and mediation to the disappointment of not getting one here. But he basically went internal and ceased engaging or responding to the conversation. Argh!
So, I said I was cranky and was going to bed. This morning, I tried to talk to him about it, and I thought the conversation was going okay, but then he didn't respond to something, and I said, "Huh?!", and he said he did respond and accused me of snapping. It escalated from there and was just really stupid.
Ummm, I am pregnant, dude! I wish he could just remember that I am more sensitive right now and not at my best. I refuse to talk to him if he's going to be angry and just vent at me and criticize me. I offered to do a check-in with him (something we have done often to talk through more difficult or intense issues because it slows things down and requires you listen and reflect what your partner says), and he refused. So we are still at an impasse.
The ironic thing is that yesterday was one of our best and most fun/romantic days together. Every day has been fun, but yesterday, we took a long walk outdoors in Beacon Park, petted the goats, enjoyed the peacocks and the lovely views, then went to an English tea at a nearby Inn and Teahouse. Great and connected conversation and yummy sandwiches/scones/treats and tea. After my daily meditation and nap, we had a relaxed dinner at a nearby pub and were flirting and joking around on the way back. A fabulous day! Until the end. Ah well.
I feel sad and disappointed the day ended not so great, and we had the conflict this morning. I hope we can both calm down and re-connect soon, as we are booked on a bus trip to Butchart Gardens at 11:30am.
p.s. I'm 9 weeks pregnant today! My lower back ache/pain kicked in a couple days ago. Anyone else experience this, if you've been pregnant? I have to stop periodically and squat/stretch when we are out walking. Still having food aversions/limited food choices. Boobs have been quite sore, and I can see veins in chest now.
Despite signs, I still have worries and am definitely wanting more reassurance that Pudge is in there and moving around and growing like the pregnancy apps say he/she is. Our next ultrasound is scheduled for April 1st with Maternal/Fetal Medicine. Our Sneak Peak gender reveal blood test has arrived at our house in Oregon, so guess what will be the first thing I do when we get home? Yep, poke my finger and send that package in. It's supposed to come back within 72 hours.
Last night we were talking about massage options. We were both looking forward to getting a massage yesterday afternoon and had done the research to find a place to go, but when we called, they said they were booked up until next Tuesday (we leave Monday). So last night, I was looking at an alternative place that was a bit more money, like $10 - $15 more per person, and he stated the amount that both massages would come to, as though it were prohibitive. I responded that it wasn't much more than the other place, but I also looked up less expensive massage in Oregon, which we could get as soon as we get back as sort of a compromise and mediation to the disappointment of not getting one here. But he basically went internal and ceased engaging or responding to the conversation. Argh!
So, I said I was cranky and was going to bed. This morning, I tried to talk to him about it, and I thought the conversation was going okay, but then he didn't respond to something, and I said, "Huh?!", and he said he did respond and accused me of snapping. It escalated from there and was just really stupid.
Ummm, I am pregnant, dude! I wish he could just remember that I am more sensitive right now and not at my best. I refuse to talk to him if he's going to be angry and just vent at me and criticize me. I offered to do a check-in with him (something we have done often to talk through more difficult or intense issues because it slows things down and requires you listen and reflect what your partner says), and he refused. So we are still at an impasse.
The ironic thing is that yesterday was one of our best and most fun/romantic days together. Every day has been fun, but yesterday, we took a long walk outdoors in Beacon Park, petted the goats, enjoyed the peacocks and the lovely views, then went to an English tea at a nearby Inn and Teahouse. Great and connected conversation and yummy sandwiches/scones/treats and tea. After my daily meditation and nap, we had a relaxed dinner at a nearby pub and were flirting and joking around on the way back. A fabulous day! Until the end. Ah well.
I feel sad and disappointed the day ended not so great, and we had the conflict this morning. I hope we can both calm down and re-connect soon, as we are booked on a bus trip to Butchart Gardens at 11:30am.
p.s. I'm 9 weeks pregnant today! My lower back ache/pain kicked in a couple days ago. Anyone else experience this, if you've been pregnant? I have to stop periodically and squat/stretch when we are out walking. Still having food aversions/limited food choices. Boobs have been quite sore, and I can see veins in chest now.
Despite signs, I still have worries and am definitely wanting more reassurance that Pudge is in there and moving around and growing like the pregnancy apps say he/she is. Our next ultrasound is scheduled for April 1st with Maternal/Fetal Medicine. Our Sneak Peak gender reveal blood test has arrived at our house in Oregon, so guess what will be the first thing I do when we get home? Yep, poke my finger and send that package in. It's supposed to come back within 72 hours.
3/07/2019
Pregnancy Update #2 - First Ultrasound
We FINALLY had our first ultrasound yesterday. We got there 10-15 minutes early, which is not a common occurrence. We were just so anxious and excited. The business person went over my benefits, which are very good! Plus, I will have secondary insurance through RC, once we're married, so we may not have much in the way of medical expenses for this pregnancy. Did I say "this pregnancy"? Oops, foreshadowing...
After a few minutes, we were called back to the ultrasound room. I was holding RC's hand so tight all the way to the clinic and all the way back to our room. They were doing a belly ultrasound, so I hopped right up on the table and just undid my pants. The room had a big TV-type screen on the wall in front of us, so we had a great view. She squirted the jelly and began moving the ultrasound scope around...within just a couple seconds, I saw that beautiful, telltale bubble - and there was definitely something inside! AAAAHHH! We both were thinking, "Is there another one? Will we see a second bubble?" A millisecond of disappointment...
But she quickly honed in on our one bubble and baby, and we were overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness again as she started speaking a new, beautiful language: "There's your baby!"; "Looks great!"; "It's measuring right on track."; "There's the heartbeat; see the heartbeat?" - Yes, we did!! OMG, I was so moved and overcome with waves of relief and joy. I was exclaiming ecstatically, and sometimes nonsensically, at times, and may have shed a few tears. Wow, what an amazing experience. The heart rate was very strong at 165. We got pictures, of course, and a video of the little bub with his/her heart beating. Our little Pudge. We went out to a delicious pasta lunch to celebrate and spent the rest of the day processing this new reality, which feels ever so much more real.
More later, but now I need to get my rear out the door to run many errands to make this wedding and honeymoon happen. Two more days! So exciting knowing our little Pudge will be with us on our special day. 💗
Do you see the little old man face? I don't think that's really Pudge's face, is it? Can you see the arm?
After a few minutes, we were called back to the ultrasound room. I was holding RC's hand so tight all the way to the clinic and all the way back to our room. They were doing a belly ultrasound, so I hopped right up on the table and just undid my pants. The room had a big TV-type screen on the wall in front of us, so we had a great view. She squirted the jelly and began moving the ultrasound scope around...within just a couple seconds, I saw that beautiful, telltale bubble - and there was definitely something inside! AAAAHHH! We both were thinking, "Is there another one? Will we see a second bubble?" A millisecond of disappointment...
But she quickly honed in on our one bubble and baby, and we were overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness again as she started speaking a new, beautiful language: "There's your baby!"; "Looks great!"; "It's measuring right on track."; "There's the heartbeat; see the heartbeat?" - Yes, we did!! OMG, I was so moved and overcome with waves of relief and joy. I was exclaiming ecstatically, and sometimes nonsensically, at times, and may have shed a few tears. Wow, what an amazing experience. The heart rate was very strong at 165. We got pictures, of course, and a video of the little bub with his/her heart beating. Our little Pudge. We went out to a delicious pasta lunch to celebrate and spent the rest of the day processing this new reality, which feels ever so much more real.
More later, but now I need to get my rear out the door to run many errands to make this wedding and honeymoon happen. Two more days! So exciting knowing our little Pudge will be with us on our special day. 💗
Do you see the little old man face? I don't think that's really Pudge's face, is it? Can you see the arm?
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