In thinking further about whether I'm relying too much on external events to guide my life right now, I have decided it's something to be conscious of, but relatively normal and okay, all things considered.
I know my top priority is creating my own family and how I accomplish that desire IS to a great degree up to God/fate. There are many paths up the mountain. Being open to opportunity and possibility is a vital aspect of navigating through the "liminal phase" of transition; the in-between, after the separation and before the reconnection in whatever transition you may be experiencing.
And maybe part of my questioning myself is related to feeling embarrassed that I became so excited so easily at a couple recent possibilities. It felt premature in retrospect when they seemed to fizzle out and not manifest into what I had hoped. But there is nothing embarrassing about being excited and hopeful is there?
Maybe the trick is being able to walk the line between possibilities / hope / excitement and realism / not putting all your eggs in one basket (an apt phrase considering my blog and thoughts of ttc; eggs also symbolize potential). Not always easy.
In a current real life application, I'm interested in sound healing/chocolate man (or 'Fred'). I don't know enough yet to be confident, but it's clear he likes me. In addition to giving several compliments and sharing appreciation for me, he is very thoughtful and goes out of his way to make me comfortable. The night of the chocolate event, he found me a chair, got up to get me water (twice), and was just generally very attentive to my needs.
We talked for over two hours on the phone last night. He is very interested and has studied Non-Violent Communication and plans to complete an intensive workshop in a few weeks to "take it to the next level." This is my realm, and I love that he wants to learn and improve his communication and relationship skills. Very different perspective from R!
He is leaving Monday on a trip to England, back in two weeks, so our "getting to know each other" process will be in suspended animation for a bit. Maybe that's okay. :)